​

We need to teach the shy nerd how to have a normal human conversation!

I know. I'll bring the silent protagonist, the literal house pet, and Yusuke.

((DISCLAIMER: The Following is a Parody based on love. Persona 5 Royal is one of my favorite games of all time, that's why I like to Razz on it. This is done in the style of Viva Reverie's "But Really Really Fast" series of videos, check those out if you haven't seen them. This will contain spoilers up through the Fourth Palace of Persona 5 Royal, reader discretion is advised!))

Sae: The Phantom Thieves are making us look like complete morons! They just cost me a promotion!

Makoto: And took down a dangerous Crime Lord?

Sae: GO BACK TO PLAYING WITH YOUR EASY BAKE OVEN.

Ryuji: I can't believe I have to like... Actually study for finals! This blows!

Ren: Ryuji, each of our final exams has two questions on them each. Just look them up on the Internet IRL.

Ryuji: What?

Ren: What?

Morgana: The important thing is that we did it. Now we've got to look up our next target!

A FEW MONTHS LATER

Sae: ... What if I said I was starting to believe you on the whole magic thing.

Ren: I'd say it's about damn time you actually started listening to me. Now keep an ear open. It's about to get good, then suck for a bit, then REALLY GOOD.

A FEW MONTHS EARLIER

Medjed: We are Totally Not Anonymous! We declare war on the Phantom Thieves!

Ren: Alright, Morgana. How concerned should we be?

Morgana: Very. But for right now we'll wait until things develop.

SIU Director: Yes, my dark master! The plan is working perfectly! Soon the public shall hate the phantom thieves! We'll rule this country and soon the world or MY NAME ISN'T--

Ren: I'm getting a text. Wonder what that's about?

Alibaba: I know you're the Phantom Thieves.

Ren: I swear to god--

Alibaba: It wasn't Ryuji this time.

Ren: GOOD.

Alibaba: I need you to steal someone's heart for me. Futaba Sakura.

Ren: ... As in SOJIRO Sakura? The gruff but lovable coffee shop owner who took me in?

Alibaba: MAILER DEMON

Ren: Great. Swell. Okay. Gotta talk this over with my friends.

Ryuji: What are we thinking? Ex Wife?

Makoto: That could be it. But this is such a strange request. Obviously this person isn't famous, so why the sudden need to steal their heart?

Sae: Hey, so if you're not going to hand over the research we talked about, you don't mind if I make thinly veiled threats to your adopted daughter, right?

Sojiro: Yes! Yes I DO mind if you do that!

Ren: Was that about Futaba?

Sojiro: SHUT UP!!

Ren: Well, as long as you're so emotionally stable about it.

Makoto: Okay. We've got to ask the question. Ren, is it possible that Sojiro is an abusive father?

Ren: Highly doubtful. The dude has been in a position of power over me for months now. I'm in no position to fight back, as far as he knows, and despite some initial iciness, he's always been nice to me, for a given value of Sojiro. If he were abusive, I am an extremely easy target.

Ann: This isn't gonna get solved until we talk to Futaba. Let's go to Sojiro's house and try to meet her.

AT SOJIRO'S HOUSE

Ren: What... In the Scooby-Doo bullshit.

Futaba: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--

Makoto: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--

Sojiro: ... Okay look, kid. I walk into my darkened house, and you've got a girl clinging to your leg, I'm gonna make assumptions. I gave you an isolated attic bedroom in a different building, use it.

Ren: No. We're only Rank 5 right now.

Makoto: Please tell us about Futaba.

Sojiro: Sigh... Okay, look. Back when I was working at Foxhound or whatever shit, I knew this woman. Wakaba Isshiki.

Ryuji: Girlfriend?

Sojiro: Unclear. Gonna go with "Ex I stayed friends with." Anyway, she was a single mom to a little girl named Futaba. They got along great, but eventually for seemingly no reason, she threw herself into Traffic. I took her in. Genuinely, the only thing I want for her is for her just to live a normal life. But how do you start after going through something like that?

Yusuke: ... Would anyone else in the party gladly die for this man?!

Makoto: I am ashamed that I ever thought you could be an abuser.

Ren: Told ya.

Makoto: Okay, this only leads to one possible conclusion. Alibaba IS Futaba. So we can guess where her palace is located. Now all we've got to do is figure out her distortion.

Morgana: She bugged the Cafe.

Ren: She what?

Morgana: Yeah. She heard that entire conversation. I know where her room is too. So we can talk to her.

Morgana: Alibaba? Are you Futaba actually?

Alibaba: No... Maybe... Yes.

Makoto: Okay. We need a distortion or we can't steal your heart. Do you have any idea what that could be?

Alibaba: Go away! This will be my Linear But Fun Pyramid with Binary Code Puzzles, and Some of the Best Generic Personas in the Game!

MetaNav: Beginning navigation.

Makoto: Thanks Futaba!

Ann: So because we're outside the room, we exist in a vast desert and have to drive our asses to the Pyramid in the sweltering heat. This is gonna be hell and STOP staring at my rack, Ryuji!

Ryuji: REN WAS DEFINITELY STARING TOO!!

Ren: I wasn't making a face that said I was gonna dive in like Monkeybone, Ryuji!

Shadow Futaba: Welcome to my Pyramid. Now leave my Pyramid.

Ren: Yeah. This part of the dungeon feels SO necessary.

ONCE CHASE SEQUENCE LATER

Ren: Okay... We got the map. And some really disturbing Personas.

Yusuke: If that is truly what the Sandman looks like, I am never sleeping again.

Ren: Now we just have to deal with the Dungeon. Which looks like it's gonna be a straight shot.

HEINOUS TRAPS

Ren: ... Consciously wants help, but is unconsciously trying to resist it?

Makoto: Yep.

Ren: Sigh... Alright. Time for some puzzle solving.

IN THE PALACE

Ann: This one is really fun! But I feel like there should be more grapple points. Grappling is fun.

Ren: I do have the thing that allows me to grapple Shadows by the neck, which is a GODSEND in this Palace, considering there are a lot of long, narrow hallways with no cover where enemies hang out.

Ryuji: It's kind of weird. "You'll Never See It Coming" is the song basically everyone relates to this game, but if you're playing it WELL you'll basically never hear it. Where's the love for "Takeover?"

MEANWHILE, IN THE CHAMBER OF BACK STORIES

Ren: ... So to recap. Had life ruined because I tried to protect a woman from SA.

Morgana: Amnesia.

Ryuji: Was forced into a delinquency thanks to an abusive teacher.

Ann: That same abusive teacher tried to solicit me for sex.

Yusuke: Art teacher abused me and stole my work after allowing my mother to die of a seizure.

Makoto: Father killed in the line of duty causing my sister to turn bitter and cynical, and emotionally distant.

Ren: And SOMEHOW Futaba takes home gold, silver, AND bronze in the Tragic Backstory Olympics?!

Ann: And it's not even close.

Morgana: Impassible roadblock.

Ren: Nuts. Alright. We need to get into that room. Only way we can do that is by sending the calling card.

Morgana: After some Social Link climbing?

Ren: Actually no. Not only does the calendar I'm using have me doing it in three days, I really like this character. We'll go tomorrow.

THE NEXT DAY

Makoto: We can't steal your heart unless you let us into your room.

Futaba: ... Okay.

Ryuji: ... She's hiding in the closet.

Makoto: Oh Ren, we have to save her! She's like a puppy in a Sarah McLaughlin Commercial!!

Ren: You need to come out of the closet, otherwise this isn't gonna work.

Futaba: HERE!! TAKE MY HEART!!

Ren: I appreciate the enthusiasm, but we just needed you to open the door.

Futaba: ... Oh.

GOES BACK IN CLOSET.

Makoto: ... So we're adopting her right?!

Ren: Yeah this is hitting every "Must Protecc" instinct in my brain. Let's get her treasure first.

BACK IN THE PALACE

Ren: Having enemies that you can only encounter after you've sent the calling card breaks the Geneva Convention, dammit.

Ryuji: I'm just wondering what the boss fight is gonna be. The shadow here seems to like us.

Cognitive Wakaba: FUTABA CAUSES THE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!!!

Ren: ... What is that?

Makoto: That would be the physical manifestation of Futaba Sakura's mother issues.

Ren: ... Could you ask it to fuckin' not?!

Cognitive Wakaba Isshiki's Annoying Ass, Bitch Ass, Boring Ass Boss Fight

Uuuuuuuuugh.

Ren: And I'm guessing if I could hit it with Melee it would do TRIPLE DAMAGE?!

Morgana: JUST KEEP CHIPPING AWAY WITH MAGIC, AND STOP COMPLAINING.

OUTSIDE THE PALACE

Futaba: Why did this App appear on my phone.

Shadow Futaba: Follow me. We need to talk.

IN THE CHAMBER OF BACKSTORIES.

Shadow Futaba: Genuinely think about this. Would you have been so devastated at losing your mother if she was the kind of person who would write a note BLAMING YOU FOR HER SELF DELETION. Would you really have missed her as much as you do if she were THAT much of a C-Word? Does that sound like her?!

Futaba: Well. I mean... That's a bit simplistic. Emotions are highly complicated things, it's possible she was harboring resentment and didn't tell me.

Shadow Futaba: And so the note was READ ALOUD to you? In front of your EXTENDED FAMILY? A convenient note, with a convenient excuse for a mysterious death?! One that, I'm pretty sure, you weren't allowed to READ?!

Futaba: ... Wait a damn minute.

Shadow Futaba: Hey! What up? I'm your Shadow Self, I'm the stuff about you that you know but never admit. I'm here to tell you the bleedingly obvious. YOUR MOTHER WAS MURDERED.

Ren: Seriously gonna need the tide to turn here, otherwise we're all going to age to death on top of this Ziggurat.

Futaba: I'm here!

Cognitive Wakaba: LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER!!

Futaba: You're not my mother. You're my trauma and Survivor's guilt who just so happens to be wearing my mother's face! I likely need Counseling!

Ann: We know a guy.

Ren: We really don't.

Shadow Futaba: If you don't mind, I'm gonna slip into something more flying saucer.

Futaba: What?

Necronomicon: Beginning awakening!

Futaba Sakura's Necronomicon

X-Files theme.

Ren: Awesome! With that Ballista we can easily take this thing down! Look at all the damage we did! Reload the Ballista, Futaba!

SOME TURNS LATER

Ren: ... Anytime.

SOME MORE TURNS LATER

Ren: ... Whenever you're ready.

EVEN MORE TURNS OF THE SAME TWO GODDAMN MOVES LATER

Ren: Futaba I swear to God.

Ryuji: Okay, I need to ask. Are the Boss Fights in this game kinda trash?

Ren: Not trash, very hit and miss. Problem is, all of this game's worst boss fights come right in the middle, all in a row. Madarame, Kaneshiro, Cognitive Wakaba, and ESPECIALLY the next one, are all mid to terrible, but Kamoshida is a great introduction, and every boss after the fifth Palace is a barrel of monkeys. It's just there's kind of this long stretch in the middle where the palace bosses are the least interesting part of the game. Which is misleading.

Futaba: Ballista's reloaded.

Ren: FUCKING finally!

Ann: She's down! Ren, time for the cool guy one liner!

Ren: ... Uh... It's just been revoked?! Ah, fuck. I'll come up with something better next time.

BANG

Futaba: Well. That was weird... Bye.

Ren: Wait! Come back! I have so many questions!!

Morgana: Palace is collapsing. Let's boogie.

Ren: GODDAMNIT

OUTSIDE THE PALACE

Ren: Okay! Important to look on the positive side. Got the treasure. Freed Futaba from her demons to a degree. Now all that needs to happen is for Futaba to take down totally not Anonymous.

Makoto: She's unconscious.

Ren: Fuck.

Ann: Could this be a mental shutdown?!

Sojiro: What, this? No, Futaba just gets like this after she exerts a lot of energy. Sometimes she's out for days. I think it's because she doesn't get enough exercise. She'll probably be up by the deadline.

Ren: ... I finished this with eighteen days left on the clock.

Sojiro: You have put my adoptive daughter into a three week anemic coma.

Ren: Well. I guess all we can do is wait for that to settle itself. Gotta find something to kill the time.

Ryuji, Ann, Kawakami: YOU'VE FINISHED OUR CONFIDANTS BY NOW!!

Ren: GAH!

Ryuji Sakamoto's Seiten Taisei

Return to Monke

Ann Takamaki's Hecate

No man's Land between Batgirl, Cruella DeVil, and a Cenobite.

Kasumi: I exist.

Ren: The fact that the writer had to go back and add you into this post because he almost forgot this running gag, really says it all.

Akechi: And we're trading friendly barbs!

Ren: Cool. Just to be clear, you know I'm one of the Phantom Thieves, and you're just trying to get proof right? So we're constantly just NOT SAYING it because we both like the chess game we're playing.

Akechi: I personally like to think it's more of a Billiards game, but yes.

Ren: Coming up on the deadline now! Not super thrilled!

Futaba: Hey, Sojiro, can I have breakfast.

Sojiro: ... I'm just so damn happy to see you out of your room. You can have whatever you want.

Futaba: .... I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Ren: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllp.

Futaba: Oh! Right! Sorry!

IN FUTABA'S ROOM

Morgana: I'm just gonna assume that whatever she's doing is necessary for hacking.

Ren: She's playing Slime Rancher...

Morgana: We should clean this room.

Ren: And just like that, I've got a little sister. Amazing.

SOME TIME LATER

Futaba: Better... Luck... Next time... SLUGHEADS!!

Ren: Futaba, how many people these days do you think are gonna get that reference.

Futaba: Zzzzzzzz....

THE NEXT DAY

News: Totally Not Anonymous made to look like idiots by Totally Not The Bat Family. More at eleven.

Futaba: Ooh! My codename should be ORACLE!

Ren: Christ. I did become Batman at some point, didn't I?

Makoto: Medjed's taken down! But does anyone else feel like they're forgetting something really important?

Black Mask: Alright. Set up the puppy on the Tee, and I'll try to kick it THROUGH the uprights.

((Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy!))

I'm rewatching SG-1 again. I do so every few years, because theis show has the most consistent quality of any Sci-Fi show of that era. Like I'd say it's best episodes don't really compare to something like say... Deep Space Nine's Waltz? (Though the penultimate episode of Season 5 comes damn close, it's VERY good.) But genuinely, what's the worst this show gets? What? The episode where O'Niell turns into a kid? I like that one! The one where Teal'c is mind controlled is pretty annoying I guess. Maybe Urgo if you hate fun?

SG-1 doesn't have a Profit and Lace, or a The Child, or GOD HELP YOU Code of Honor. Every episode is at the very least entertaining. And that's seriously impressive for a show that ran TEN SEASONS.

But on the subject. The Stargate might be my favorite means of interstellar travel in science fiction. And I finally realized why.

It's... Just... So... Analog.

So I know Gates do have some kind of computer programming, but it genuinely almost seems non-electronic. The most high tech looking thing on a Stargate is the lights that lock in the chevrons. There is not a screen to be found, all the chevrons are carved into the inner ring, which has to mechanically turn to function. Even the INTERFACE is a gigantic rotary dial with a huge red button in the middle. Something about it looks almost low tech. It feels more magical than it does scientific.

It gives the vibes of both being a piece of advanced alien technology, and an ancient artifact, which is, of course, appropriate. It also helps that it's method of function (the addresses) are unique and cool looking, with instantly recognizable iconography, like Earth's Point of Origin being a Pyramid and a Sun. I want a T-shirt with Earth's address on it.

Nothing else in fiction quite looks like the Stargate. As someone who is lukewarm on the Emmerich movie, I'm happy that SG-1 took this concept to it's greatest potential.

I keep hearing the franchise might be revived soon. And honestly? Good. I'd love to see more.

Pic slightly related.

If you accept an invite from someone in Shinjuku like Chihiya or Mishima from Leblanc you don't have to pay the subway fee.

... Look I know it's the most useless thing in the history of ever but it is a thing and I felt like it should be known.

I'll go back to the game now.

Edit: Via DM, to be clear.

Gonna be as vague as possible to not spoil.

Genuinely, is it just me, or is the Seven Deadly sins thing for the palaces feel kinda half assed? Like that wasn't intended to be the thing, but they noticed that they had kind of a connection to a few different sins and decided to force the rest into it working?

Okay. The first palace is Lust. Makes sense for the character. Theming reflects that. Perfect. No notes.

Second Palace we're dropping Sloth... KIND OF, more in a minute, for Vainglory. It's a bit more esoteric in its theming than the first one was, but I can still see it. He is being a showoff.

Third palace is a Bank. The treasure is giant gold bars. The Palace ruler is a man obsessed with acquiring more wealth. So much so that he sees people as literally ATMs. So naturally his sin... Is... Gluttony? ... What?

Before people get on me, I am well aware that Gluttony is more about excess than it is about binge eating. It's about seeking base pleasure through sensual high. Be it through food, alcohol, drugs, or sex. Nourishing your urges at the cost of your soul... And I suppose the third palace ruler is guilty of that but like... I really feel like this should have been Avarice.

Fourth palace is about someone who is refusing to face up to her past, staying in her room until she rots, and not wanting to do anything ever. The calling card even SAYS HER SIN IS SLOTH, but for some reason the sin for this Palace is... Wrath?

I've heard someone say that this works because of the weird circumstances surrounding the boss of the Palace. Which... I guess? Sure? But like... No. That boss isn't the ruler of that Palace. It's a cognition. That's the Palace Ruler's distortion born from her inaction. That doesn't work.

Fifth palace is Avarice and... Fine. I feel it's probably a LITTLE closer to pride, considering this seems to be more about status than it is about wealth, but eh, close enough. The only problem I have with it is that it's not nearly as close to greed as the third palace was.

Six I've got NO IDEA what the hell is up. It's a woman who is so focused on her career that she neglected the important things in life. So obviously her sin is... Jealousy?!

I've wracked my brain over this one man. I've gone over it over and over again, how in the name of FUCK is her sin ENVY of all things? Look, I understand how someone in her position would feel envious on occasion, but honestly, this person doesn't really have a Sin that fits her. She abandoned her principles chasing after a promotion, and became rather cold because of it. Certainly douchey, but not a deadly sin.

Who's she supposed to be jealous of? Makoto? The SIU Director? The Phantom Thieves? Akechi? It just doesn't make sense.

Seventh palace is pride. Pride is defined in the context of the Deadly Sins that you feel you could do God's job better than he can and we're back to it being fucking perfect.

It kinda feels like they made the palaces FIRST and then tacked on the sins LATER as a makeshift theme where one didn't really exist. If I want to be GENEROUS four out of the seven work. And I'm still not QUITE sold on the fifth palace.

A minor nitpick in an amazing game, but one that's always bugged me.

Just my thoughts. What do you think?

Is your Shadow and your Persona like... The same thing?

Okay, to elaborate on what I mean.

Your Persona is, as far as I can gleam, the physical manifestation of your Ego. Your Persona represents who you are beneath all the layers you use to separate your true nature from society (would that be more your Id? Eh.) As far as I can tell, a Shadow is that as well but out of control, or at the very least untamed. Be it an unaccepted part of yourself, like in Four, or a manifestation of the pain you cause to yourself or others like in five.

What I'm asking is, when you awaken to the power of your Persona does it... Like... Transform your Shadow? It kind of looks like that's what's happening, but Persona likes to keep its magic system somewhat vague.

I'm about to try to explain this series to a family friend (an older guy who likes video game stories, but not playing them), and I'd like to be able to answer that question if he has it. Thanks regardless.

Pic slightly related.

I want to see a Social Media Profile for the MC.

Now, before you chomp my head off, let me explain.

A Social Media Profile would work as a great pause screen. You could probably check confidants, stats, hell. If you make it tied to the Velvet Room, it can likely have a page for your personas as well.

It's the 2020s. It's a bit strange for a teenager not to have one (though it is possible that Social Media is less popular with Japanese teenagers, I'm not sure). This also allows for certain mechanics.

Minigames. Stuff like Farmville to boost your kindness, or a gacha game to boost your guts.

But the big one. The one I'm sure we can all at least partially agree on.

Relationship Status.

I would give you the option to become, despite how much I hate this term, "Facebook Official." You don't HAVE to do it with your romanced confidant, but doing so might unlock certain benefits. What it would do, however, is tell the rest of the cast that you're in a relationship, and thus lock you out of Romantic Rank 9. That way no one playing blind has to worry about accidentally cheating on their preferred romance option.

This would also, I imagine, unlock fun optional cutscenes with other Confidants. Like say you romance a character with a best friend, and a stern father who are also confidants. They would pull you aside and make it clear that if you hurt the person who romanced you, they'd never find your body. If the romanced confidant is in the party, maybe the party meets up and makes sure this won't become a problem for the group. Your perpetually down bad best friend (there's one in every game), jokingly calls you a traitor because you were supposed to be lonely and pathetic together, before asking if they have a single friend.

It's bizarre to me that you kind of have to keep your romantic relationship secret in these games for the sake of an unfunny joke ending. I feel like there's a lot more comedy to be gotten if they know about it, and can tease you.

These are just my thoughts, what are yours?

A lot of people don't, because Akechi's Confidant really, and seriously makes it obvious who the rat is, but honestly? I hold it makes the rivalry that much more fun.

How to explain this.

Okay. So in the movie American Psycho, which you should watch if you love this game, and are old enough (it's not for kids, or even teenagers. That R rating seriously means something.) There is a scene where Christian Bale's character is interviewed by a police detective played by Willam DeFoe. The director had DeFoe shoot the scene three times. One take DeFoe was instructed to play the scene as if he was POSITIVE Christian Bale was the murderer. The next, he had to play it as if he had suspicions, but he wasn't sure, and needed to get some information out of him. The third time, DeFoe was instructed to play the scene as if Bale had completely pulled the wool over his eyes. Then, when it came time to edit the film, the Director spliced the three takes together at random. One Question it seems like he's on to him, the next he's wavering, then on to him again, then oblivious, then wavering. In an already off-putting film, it is one of the most unbalancing and off-kilter scenes. It's a fun watch.

I get the same vibes from this Confidant.

The impression I get is that Akechi knew, as soon as he SAW Joker, that he was at least involved in the Phantom Thieves. And Joker knew from the minute he clocked Akechi that his Detective Prince facade was a mask. They both saw each other, clocked each other immediately. And then came to a startling realization.

In each other, for the first time, they had found someone as smart as they were.

My headcanon personality for Joker is simple. The only thing separating himself from Shido is EMPATHY. Joker is just as cunning. Just as ruthless. Just as much of a manipulator. Just as good of a LIAR as Shido is. However what he wants is simply to live. Make sure his friends are happy. Make sure he's under no one's control. After all, his Persona, the representation of who he IS, is Arsene Lupin. A mind to rival Sherlock Holmes, but on the wrong side of the law.

He loves his friends dearly. But there is a part of him, I feel, that thirsts for an ENEMY. Someone he can match wits with. Think about why the Confidant is happening at all. Hanging out with Akechi is a BAD idea. A man connected with the cops who specifically speaks on wanting to ruin your work. But Joker does it anyway. Why? Well... Sorry Shippers, this doesn't come off as Romantic attraction to me. I think Joker likes giving Akechi an opportunity to catch him slacking. I think he finds that fun.

And as for what Akechi is getting out of this? Well it starts as wanting to fulfill his mission, and becomes a dangerous obsession. Jealousy. Joker is everything Akechi is, but somehow stronger, and he KNOWS it. Even though Akechi broke his back to play along with the system until he got his opportunity.

Akechi hates Joker. Hates him in the same way Eobard Thawne despises the Flash. His LIFE is dedicated to ruining his. If he had somehow managed to live through the events of the game, even with the third semester, he would have plagued Joker for the rest of his life. And I think Joker finds that prospect FUN.

I think Joker loves every second he spends with Akechi, because finally, FINALLY he gets to be the bad guy. And there is a part of him that always wanted to be.

Anyway. Just my thoughts. Feel free to tell me yours.

((DISCLAIMER: The Following is a Parody made only from a place of love in the style of Viva Reverie's "But Really Really Fast" series of videos. Persona 5 Royal is one of my favorite games of all time, that's why I razz it. All of this is based solely on my experience and playthrough. Your experience may differ. This will also include spoilers for everything up through the Third Palace of Persona 5 Royal, so keep that in mind!))

Kobayakawa: I need you to find the Phantom Thieves. Do it or I'll ruin your future!

Makoto: Well. I don't want my future ruined.

Ren: Okay. Another job well done. Now all we need to do is lie low for a bit and try to find our next target.

Ann: We're going to a TV station!

Ren: Oh. Fantastic. Exactly the place you want to go when trying to stay under the radar.

Ryuji: Come on! It'll be fun!

AT THE TV STATION

Ryuji: This is so painfully unfun.

Ren: I'm so bored my organs are actually failing.

Morgana: I mean there's still stuff we can do! What about that Pancake shaped building we passed--

Akechi: PANCAKES!!!

Ren: GUH!!

Hello, I'm Goro Akechi, and if I were any more obviously designed to be the rival character for the protagonist I'd transform into literally Seifer Almasy!

Reporter: Akechi-kun, what do you think of the Phantom Thieves?

Akechi: Well... I think they mean well, but isn't changing people's hearts a form of mind control? Isn't that kind of screwed up?

Reporter: An interesting thought. What do you think totally random member of the audience?

Ren: Of course it's me- Bullshit. You're not your delusions. To say otherwise is reductive to the entire human race. There's a moment in Niel Gaiman's Sandman (highly recommended, great comic), where Morpheus is standing in front of a room full of Serial Killers and removes their delusions that what they're doing isn't horrible. They aren't changed, it's just the barriers they put up around their conscience are torn down. It's not mind control, it's getting them to open their eyes to what they're actually DOING.

Akechi: A perfectly valid opinion. I'd like to have that debate more in future. I think--

Ren: You and I are destined to do this forever?

Akechi: Very droll. But which one of us is Batman, and which one of us is the Joker?

Ren: Oh you're fun. This is gonna be fun.

THE NEXT DAY

Ryuji: Damn, that Akechi pisses me off! He thinks that we, the Phantom Thieves, which is who we are, are the bad guys!

Ann: Stop shouting! Otherwise someone will find out that we're the Phantom Thieves, which is who we are!!

Ren: For the love of GOD will you two idiots stop talking. They can hear you in Uruguay.

Kobayakawa: Find the Phantom Thieves!

Makoto: I'm working on it, but there's this problem where our students are being blackmailed into trafficking drugs...

Kobayakawa: But this whole Phantom Thieves issue!!

Kawakami: Ren, Class President wants to see you!

Ren: Are you called in too-

Kawakami: This is not about the weird ass Maid thing we're doing.

Makoto: I know you're the Phantom Thieves.

Ren: You have absolutely no proof that-

Recording of Ryuji: Akechi is saying that we, the Phantom Thieves, which is who we are, are the bad guys!

Ren: Goddamnit Ryuji.

Makoto: Look. I don't have to turn you in. I'd rather let this pass without incident, because I'm morally on the fence about you guys. So here's the deal. If you can change the heart of a mafia boss in two weeks, I'll delete this, and say that no one in the school is the Phantom Thieves.

Ren: We need a name.

Makoto: Don't have one.

Ren: Tan-fucking-fastic.

AT THE DINER

Ren: So that's the skinny. Our backs are against the wall, and Ryuji is a moron.

Ryuji: Hey?!

Ren: Pardon me, a lovable moron.

Ryuji: Thank you.

Ann: Well, this sucks the chrome off of doorknobs, but honestly, the Target is probably a good one. Even though the bitch Totally knew about Kamoshida.

Ren: Are you seriously taking rumors about someone at face value? You're doing that?

Yusuke: Indeed. We're not sure what she's going through at home. I was once an antagonist before I joined, remember?

Ann: Oh please. She's the favorite of Every Teacher, and most adults! How bad can she have it at home?!

MEANWHILE AT HOME

Makoto: I wonder how Dad would have viewed the Phantom Thieves.

Sae: LIKE I GIVE A F@$& YOU WORTHLESS, LIFE DRAINING, Cۤ+!!

Makoto: The fact that you're one of the most likable characters by endgame is nothing short of a miracle.

LATER

Ryuji: After getting information from a reporter, and ruthlessly grilling Bryce Papenbrook--

Ren: I swear to God that guy is in EVERYTHING.

Ryuji: -- We now have a name that can be used to get into the palace!

Ren: Just need the distortion. Probably... A bank?

Ann: A bank makes sense... But we don't know his hideout.

Yusuke: Wouldn't his hideout be his home, and all of Shibuya be the bank?

Navigator App: Candidate found.

Ren: Bingo.

IN THE METAVERSE

Ryuji: This looks like something out of Pink Floyd's "The Wall."

Ren: It's raining money, all the people are ATMs, I think I've seen more subtlety out of Captain Planet.

Ann: We can't scour the entire district in the time limit, so where is the actual Bank.

Ren: Maybe it's that flying saucer above us.

Morgana: Okay, new question, how do we get in?

Ren: Well one of us has to talk to Kaneshiro directly.

IN REALITY

Makoto: I'd like to help.

Ann: LIKE I GIVE A F@$& YOU WORTHLESS, LIFE DRAINING, Cۤ+!!

Ren: Who gave you the Bitch Flakes this morning, Ann?

Makoto: I'm not worthless, and I'll prove it by getting myself kidnapped by the Yakuza!

Ann: ...You think I overdid it?

Ren: Just a touch, yeah.

AT KANESHIRO'S HIDEOUT

Ren: Look. We don't want any trouble. Just let her go.

Kaneshiro: Oh yeah. Sure totally. By the way. I took photos of you surrounded by booze, drugs and strippers, and unless you pay me 3 million yen, I'm going to publish them.

Ren: Funny thing is, this is NG+, so I actually have that! But also, fuck you.

Makoto: I'm sorry. I just made things worse.. I guess I am worthless.

Ann: 🥺

Ren: Ya feel like shit now, dontcha?

Morgana: Wait. We can actually use this. Take her into the Metaverse. I've got a hunch.

IN THE METAVERSE

Ren: Look, I know this seems weird but-

Makoto: This is another reality based off of human Cognition, and while it's actual physical existence is questionable, our minds are being allowed to perceive Kaneshiro's mind in a form we'll understand. I.E. Shibuya being a bank, the people within being ATMs, and myself being a valued customer, now that Kaneshiro has something on me. That will allow you guys to get into the bank, and do what you need to do in order to stop Kaneshiro and save our reputations.

Ren: ... And suddenly we have a frontrunner for the Romance option.

Morgana: PLEASE become a party member! I'm tired of being the exposition monkey!!

Shadow Kaneshiro: Behold! My true self!

Ren: You look like a G-Tier Plastic Man villain from the forties. You were infinitely more imposing in the real world.

Shadow Kaneshiro: Shut up! Makoto you're going to prostitute yourself for my amusement you worthle-

Makoto: Aight. That's it. I'll take it from my sister. I'll take it from hurt people I didn't do enough to help. But I ain't taking it from you, you fat piece of shit.

Kaneshiro: What?

Makoto: Oh you need it louder? I said LIKE I GIVE A F@$& YOU WORTHLESS, LIFE DRAINING, Cۤ+!!

Johanna: You good to go?

Makoto: Oh, hell yeah.

RIP

Johanna: Didn't even have to tell you to rip off the skin around your eyes. You're gonna do just fine.

Makoto Niijima's Johanna

I'd say this was the coolest Persona in the game but this has two evolutions.

Ren: Remember how I said that she was a frontrunner for the Romance option?

Ryuji: Yeah?

Ren: Yeah. The race is over. She fucking clears.

OUTSIDE THE METAVERSE

Makoto: So the deal is, you steal his treasure, and he fesses up.

Morgana: Yes. Usually there's a time limit, but with you no longer blackmailing us-

Makoto: There's still a time limit. There are those pictures he took.

Ren: Okay. Got a time limit. Got an Infiltration Point. Now all we gotta do is steal the treasure.

Morgana: After some Social Skills and confidants?

Ren: Read me like a book.

Kasumi: I exist!

Ren: I know. You don't do much else.

Maruki: I'm the worst therapist ever!

Ren: I know! I have to blow smoke up your ass to get the true ending and that annoys me.

A FEW DAYS OF SOCIAL SKILLS AND CONFIDANTS LATER

Ren: Is it just me or is this palace a barrel of monkeys?!

Ryuji: Lots of places to duck out of cover, lots of grapple points, some fun puzzles, this is freaking fantastic!

Makoto: This is my first one, so I can't comment. But isn't it nice to have dedicated nuke on your team?

Morgana: And we came up with Showtime attacks, which... Please let these be a Persona staple! They're so funny!

Makoto: Infiltration route secure. Though I'm guessing the treasure isn't going to appear until after we send the calling card, thus giving him the idea that his desires are a thing that CAN be stolen, thus allowing them to materialize into physical form.

Morgana: .... PLEASE STICK AROUND.

Ren: And she's just earned us sending out the calling card tomorrow.

THE NEXT DAY

Kaneshiro's Goon: Uh... Mr. Kaneshiro? These were posted up all over Shibuya.

Kaneshiro: ... How the hell did they get my name? Whatever. I'm not worried.

Shadow Kaneshiro: I'm worried immensely.

AT THE PALACE

Shadow Kaneshiro: You'll never take my treasure! I have it locked up tight!

Makoto: Oh cool. I get to beat the shit out of you and take it. And here I thought this was going to be boring.

Bael: I'M A BUG MUTANT!!

Yusuke: So you are.

Junya Kaneshiro's Bael

Baxter Stockman.

Ren: Well. It's sad this Palace couldn't end on a decent boss fight, but oh well.

Bael: YOU'LL NEVER DEFEAT MY GIANT ROBOT PIGGYBANK!!

Ren: Oh we will... Fuckin... Eventually. You're barely doing any damage, and I've got the ring of sorrow on. You do, however, have way too much HP so I just gotta sit here for a bit.

Bael: COME MY FLY MINIONS!! I HAVE MONEY!!

Makoto: Mafrei.

Bael: NOOOO I DON'T HAVE MONEY ANYMORE!

Shadow Kaneshiro: Look, it's not my fault! The strong prey on the weak! I learned that the hard way!

Makoto: So you took it out on innocent teenagers? Look. On some level I do get it. You probably faced a lot of pain and hardship because of your weight, and considering the business you're in, you likely grew up in a bad neighborhood! If circumstances were different, you might have been a decent guy, but you didn't have the strength of character to be one regardless. If I had the power to... Say... Remove all suffering from the world, I would absolutely rewrite your past so that you were okay! Even though you're my enemy! But since I can't do that, you're just gonna have to live with the consequences of your shitty actions!

Ren: Keep this in mind for later. I'm gonna have a rant.

Shadow Kaneshiro: Heh.

Ryuji: Wait, heh?! What heh?! You're beaten, you can't heh!!

Shadow Kaneshiro: No it's just... You morons haven't even met the main villain yet.

Ren: ... What?

Shadow Kaneshiro: Going back to my true self now! Toodles!!

Yusuke: Well. That's... Disturbing.

Ren: Deal with it later, the palace is collapsing!

BACK IN REALITY

Ryuji: Now all we gotta do is wait for the change of heart.

Ren: Ryuji, we just found out that there's another Metaverse user with zero scruples, who likely is the cause of the Psychotic Breakdowns that have been killing people all throughout the year. Be more concerned.

Ryuji: I am choosing to live in denial about that prospect because it frightens me!

Makoto: Kaneshiro says he's deleted the photos, and turned himself in.

Ren: Good. NOW I can do some Social Link climbing.

Morgana: Why don't you do that every palace?!

TEN DAYS OF SOCIAL LINK CLIMBING LATER.

Makoto: Kaneshiro sang like a canary, and brought down his entire organization! Now all we need to do is-

Ryuji: Celebrate?!

Makoto: Pass finals.

Ryuji: Damn it.

Ren: And now we wait for the next wave of bullshit to hit us.

Alibaba: This is just like one of my Japanese Animes!

First of all, let's not beat around the bush. Royal is absolutely the definitive version of the game. Being honest, it's the ONLY version of the game I've played. The quality of life improvements alone make it more worth it to play.

I feel like I'm still qualified to comment on their additions to the story because... Well... I could tell. I could tell what was added to the plot, rather easily. And the thing is, when I played Persona 4 Golden for the first time last year... I COULDN'T.

Royal adds two major characters. Maruki and Sumi. One of them is pretty seamlessly integrated and the other one... Isn't.

Maruki is well added. His arrival makes sense within the story, he fits in with everyone else fairly well. And while, not wishing to spoil, I don't find him as... SYMPATHETIC as a lot of the fandom does, his story is at least gripping enough for me to care about him the whole game.

And then... Then there's Yoshizawa man.

I'm on my second playthrough of this game, and this time I tried to get invested before the third Semester and I just...

Can't.

Her story IS GOOD. It's VERY good actually. A cleverly foreshadowed twist I did not see coming... But it takes until the third semester to get to that point. And by that point it's too late for me to get attached to the character. Doesn't help that the game really fucking wants her to be the "canon" love interest for Joker and isn't shy about it in the slightest. (Though I REALLY LIKE how her Platonic confidant route spins that!)

She simply doesn't show up enough! Outside of her Confident she makes like... One appearance a month to remind you she's even a thing. She gets an ANIME CUTSCENE for the dance... Before she fucks off and you go on the ACTUAL date. She just keeps like... Appearing. Even in her Confident there is exceedingly little to her before the third semester.

My favorite part is, again not wanting to spoil, when she walks up to Joker and asks to actually be more active in the plot... And you HAVE to turn her down. That's... That was SO DUMB.

And honestly, this didn't bug me until I played P4G. And saw how much better that was handled.

If Yoshizawa has a counterpart in Golden, it's Marie. And they did a lot of things right with her that they did wrong with Yoshizawa. First off: She's a Velvet Room Attendant. This means two things. Firstly, there's a good reason why she's not interacting much with the rest of the cast, and secondly, you're seeing her ALL THE TIME.

Secondly... She interacts with the cast! A lot actually! That's basically what her Confidant is ABOUT! She feels like a much more tangible presence in the story, and much more alive character because of it.

I've heard a rumor that Kasumi was supposed to be a FemC like Persona 3 had, but that idea got scrapped. Apparently there's a mod that makes this a thing. That would make SO MUCH SENSE. She does feel like she's a silent protagonist who could have some fun character, if you gave it to her.

I think a way to fix this would be to have what we call the "Third Semester" take place BETWEEN the sixth, and seventh palaces. Yeah, I know there's logistical problems there, but the games themes basically come to an end with the end of Vanilla, and the Third Semester does feel a tad tacked on as a result.

But that is just my opinion. Feel free to tell me yours in the comments.

((DISCLAIMER: The following was made for the purposes of comedy, not to trash the game. This is one of my favorite games ever made and I just like to poke fun at it. This will be based on my current playthrough, and is a pretty blatant ripoff of JoJo but Really Really Fast by Viva Reverie. Check his channel out if you don't know it. This will also obviously contain spoilers up through the second palace of Persona 5 Royal so don't read if you haven't gotten that far. Thank you.)

Ryuji: Thanks Ann! This Rich People Restaurant was a great idea!

Ann: Thanks! Shame about the Rich People though.

Rich People: FNONH FNONH FNONH FNONH FNONH SNRRRRRRRRRKKKK---

Ren: Honestly, I'm just happy no one is looking at me like I'm gonna eat them.

Ryuji: There's no need to bump into me, asshole!

Lex Luthor Lookin' MF: God, these idiot kids. It's getting so a guy can't properly Supervillain anymore.

Ren: Why do I know that voice?

Ryuji: So it turns out that Kamoshida wasn't the only waste of space in this city. Who'd have thunk?

Ann: I want to keep doing our Phantom Thieves thing! It's giving people hope!

Morgana: We need to pick a leader. Logically, since I'm the one with most of the knowledge about how the Metaverse works, I should be...

Ryuji: Ren.

Ann: Obviously Ren.

Morgana: Yeah it's gonna be Ren.

Ryuji: Hey Ren! Why don't you name our group? I was just sort of winging it this time so have at it.

Ren: Well I was thinking "The Saints." Mostly because of the Motley Crüe song "Saints of Los Angeles," which seems to fit our vibe, even though it's hair metal and this game is all about the Jazz and Disco, I dunno it just works. Plus there's an irony to it! We're all cast out by society as "Sinners" when in truth we're the righteous rebellion against a corrupt system.

Ryuji: Cool. We'll never say it out loud, and just keep calling ourselves the Phantom Thieves, so I don't even know why we bothered letting you name it.

A FEW DAYS LATER

Ryuji: We need more people to know we exist! Therefore we need a big target.

Ren: Or at least something to DO while we're waiting for the plot to continue.

Morgana: Well... It's a stretch, but... We could go to the Subway of Encroaching Doom.

Ann: The what?

IN MEMENTOS

Morgana: So a magic system based on psychic energy is bound to have a spot like this. Basically it's a great big collective unconscious where everyone's distortions hang out.

Ren: Isn't this being here a TERRIBLE sign?!

Morgana: I mean, not really. We're all a little fucked up, right?

Ann: Where are the trains going?

Morgana: Probably not important.

ONE SIDE QUEST TUTORIAL LATER

Nakohara: You know, you guys should go after Madarame! He's the one who caused ME to get so screwed up in the head!

Ren: Who the hell is "Madarame?"

Morgana: Already writing it down.

MEANWHILE, IN THE ROYAL CONTENT

Kobayakawa: In order to cover our asses with the press, we've decided to hire a Student Councilor in order to pretend we care about your mental health.

I'm Takuto Maruki, and I'm the worst therapist ever! Please ignore my obvious villain arc.

Ann: He seems nice!

Ren: Ah Christ, I'm the only one who's gonna see this coming for eighty plus fucking hours.

Ryuji: Okay, we've finally figured out who this Madarame guy is, now all we have to do is find a way to research him.

Yusuke: LET ME DRAW YOU!!

Ann: YIPE!

Hello! I'm Yusuke Kitagawa! I'm the star pupil of the great artist Madarame! And welcome to... Critical Roooo-

Ren: Nope! Nope! None of that! There are way too many jokes I can make with this character without constant Matt Mercer references!

Yusuke: I saw Ann and I had a sudden spark of inspiration! Please! Model for me!

Madarame: Oh. So this is what you were inspired by! ... No I totally get it!

Ann: Sure. Not creepy at all that a pensioner is saying that about a High School girl.

Morgana: Wait! This is an In! Agree and we'll probe Yusuke about Madarame. But we have to be tactful.

AT MADARAME'S SHACK

Ryuji: Hey, is your Foster Father beating you and stealing your work?

Yusuke: I'm calling the police.

Ren: Goddamit Ryuji... Look. Please don't DO that, surely we can work out a deal.

Yusuke: A deal?! You impune my master's honor and you ask for a deal?! Only vengeance can pay back the debt you o-- Have the blonde pose naked.

Ren & Ryuji: Deal.

Ann & Morgana: What?!

OUTSIDE

Ren: Look, honestly, for Deadlines this one could be worse.

Ann: SAYS YOU!

Ryuji: We needed to get him not to call the cops on us! So let's just infiltrate his palace, and get the treasure, then no one has to strip for anyone!

Ann: Okay, we know "Madarame" we know "Shack" what would the distortion be.

Ryuji: We need someplace tied to an artist that's also a classic setting for a heist movie.

Ren: Museum.

Navigator: Beginning navigation.

Ryuji: Nicely done!

Ren: I watch a lot of Lupin.

IN THE PALACE

Ryuji: This museum is really pissing me off! Look at these portraits!

Ann: They're all of his Pupils!

Ren: Honestly, I'm a bit confused on the metaphor here? Like wouldn't hanging them up in his museum mean that he's immensely proud of them, and they deserve to be on display for all to appreciate?

Morgana: Aaaaaaaand impassible roadblock.

Ren: Well, shit. Now what?

Morgana: Look. In his head it's impossible for someone to get through that door. So we have to make it so someone gets through it in reality, and Madarame sees it, so the door will open.

Ren: How often is this gonna happen?

Morgana: Juuuuuuust often enough for it to be extremely annoying whenever it happens.

BACK IN REALITY

Ryuji: Fuck! Now we've got to get back in there but how!

Morgana: Think about it.

Ryuji: ... Oh.

Ren: Oh.

Ann: No!

BACK IN MADARAME'S SHACK

Yusuke: I'm happy you decided to pose for me A- Why are you dressed like Ralphie's kid brother from A Christmas Story?

Ann: You aren't cold?

Yusuke: It is May in southern Japan. How have you not had a heat stroke?!

Madarame: What are you doing in my secret room!

Yusuke: Why are there so many copies of your best painting? I thought that was stolen?

Madarame: It was stolen! See, I'm in massive debt, so I had to sell off copies of the painting to pay it off! A shameful secret I know but--

Yusuke: How are you making copies when you don't have the original?

Ann: The original is right here...

Madarame: I'm calling the Police!

MEANWHILE, INSIDE THE PALACE

Ryuji: Roadblock is down. Let's meet up with Ann and Morgana.

ANN, MORGANA, AND YUSUKE FALL FROM THE SKY

Ren: Well that was convenient.

Yusuke: What... Whaaaaaat am I looking at?

Ren: Okay. Complicated. This is your Mentor's brain. Those paintings are how he sees his Pupils. You've got a painting too.

Yusuke: He's incredibly proud of me and believes I should be on display for the world to see?

Ren: The Metaphor is shakey at best. Let's just get outta here and I'll explain later.

Shadow Madarame: Hold on, I have yet to be the worst!

Yusuke: What?!

Shadow Madarame: So not only am I an abusive plagiarist, I do it because I am a complete sell out. And not in the Wishy-washy "oh Liz Phair put out a pop album, she sold out" way, I mean full on, undisputable Konami Pachinko Machines. I do not give a rats ass about art, and it's all about the money to me.

Yusuke: ...

Goemon: Ya done?

Yusuke: We're well past done.

Goemon: Cool. Rip off the skin around your eyes.

Yusuke: GLADLY!

RIP

Ren: See! That's the trick! You gotta do it FAST!

Yusuke Kitagawa's Goemon

So if you look up this guy, you'll get what the deal is with Pompadours in Japan.

Ren: Okay, as badass as that is Yusuke, we should probably bail for the day!

Yusuke: Must... Crush... Old man...

Ryuji: Okay buddy, just come along.

BACK IN REALITY

Ren: You alright man?

Yusuke: Oh no. No I am psychologically broken, but at the very least I'm aiming it towards our now mutual goal.

Ren: Same as everyone else here. Gotcha.

Ryuji: Deadline has moved up! He's threatening Legal Action!

Yusuke: He's not going to make a move til after the exhibit. Bad press, and the like.

Morgana: So the deadline hasn't changed! 18 days! Plenty of time!

Ren: ...

Morgana: You're gonna screw around for a bit aren't you?

Ren: Not for as long...

SEVERAL DAYS OF SOCIAL LINK BUILDING AND SKILL GAINS LATER.

Ren: Wow! Yusuke! You are exceedingly useful! Not a lot can handle Ice!

Yusuke: Also, if I may say so myself, I think I have the best Superhero outfit in the whole game.

Ren: Eeeeeehhh the Tail kills it for me.

Morgana: Infiltration route secured! Now all we've got to do is send the calling card!

Ren: ...

Morgana: sigh...

Ren: Just two days, I promise.

TWO DAYS OF SOCIAL LINK BUILDING AND SKILL GAINS LATER

Museum Attendant: Uh... Mr. Madarame?

Madarame: What is this Rubbish?! And why is it so expertly drawn?!

Morgana: Nicely done, Yusuke.

Yusuke: Thank you.

THE NEXT DAY

Ren: Okay, after Twenty needless complications to the process that will never be a thing again throughout the rest of this game, we got the damn treasure. Now it's-

Morgana: It's a fake.

Shadow Madarame: Yes, it's a Fake! Just like the painting I claimed was stolen! Truth is, I edited it! It's actually a self portrait of Yusuke's mom, holding a little baby Yusuke!

Yusuke: ...

Shadow Madarame: Also I am definitely responsible for your mother's death.

Yusuke: ... Is there part of the heist process where we get to punch him.

Ren: I feel like there isn't supposed to be, but usually yes.

Yusuke: Good.

Azazel: EAT MY INCREDIBLY CONFUSING BOSS FIGHT, BITCHES!!

Ichiryusai Madarame's Azazel

Keep it simple. Everything is hurt by physical attacks except the mouth, who's susceptible to any magic. After that, it's a color matching game.

Ren: Come on! How many times is this guy gonna summon clones of himself!

Ryuji: SWEET! THEY'RE ALL GREEN! MAZIO!!

Madarame: Wait! The art world doesn't care about art any more! They only care about recognizable branding!

Ren: Bold statement to make in the fifth... Technically sixth... Entry in a Spinoff series.

Ann: And a rerelease the most financially successful entry, to boot!

Madarame: I surrender! Tell that one in the black mask that I give up!

Ryuji: Black mask?

Morgana: Was there someone else in here?!

Ren: Later's problem! Let's hightail it the fuck out of here!

OUTSIDE THE PALACE.

Yusuke: I'll keep an eye on Madarame as things go. In the meantime, just live your lives.

Ren: Morgana, can I? Huh? Can I, can I, can I?!

Morgana: Yes Ren, you may Social Link climb again.

Ren: Hooray!

Morgana: But head on a swivel! Something plot relevant might happen!

Ren: Nothing plot relevant is gonna happen!

Kasumi: I exist, and my name is definitely Kasumi!

Ren: See! Nothing important.

ONE AWKWARD MAID SEGMENT WITH THE HOMEROOM TEACHER LATER

Madarame: ... And I steal from orphanages and I hate sunshine and I really am just the worst and I deserve to go to prison...

Sae: Okay, this shit starts happening right as the psychotic breakdowns are happening. They have to be connected. I'm looking into it.

SAE LEAVES.

SIU Director: Dammit! She's far too smart for her own good! But no matter. We'll stop those phantom thieves or MY NAME ISN'T --

Ryuji: Two confessions down, and people seem to be learning our names.

Ren: Keep it down, will you?

Ryuji: Oh what?! Like someone is gonna overhear us?

Makoto: .... Hmmmmm...

TO BE CONTINUED.

((Liked writing the last one so I wrote another one. Hope you enjoyed!))

When I first played this game I was the owner of two cats.

Now that I am playing it on new game plus... I am no longer.

They both lived to be twenty years old. And I had had them since they were both kittens. They were a serious anchor for me during some rather intense times in my life that for obvious reasons I don't wanna share. I'm blessed that they lived as long as they did, but it was still devastating when they passed. They were the funniest little guys and I miss them every day.

I know some people scoff at being this hurt over housepets, even six months after they passed away, but... FUCK man. It still stings, and I still want my little idiots back. Sleeping next to me and trying to steal pork chops.

I thought the Shadow I sympathized most with was Futaba. Now I realize it's Ryoko Aino.