So I’m at a loss here. I’m 45 and an only child, luckily enough to have both parents alive. This past week though, it’s been a struggle. My Mom (69) is pretty dependent and takes care of my Dad (77), who has onset dementia, which has been getting worse and worse since he had a stroke a few years ago. My Mom told me that she needed to have a small procedure done and have a valve replaced on her heart, and that she would be in the hospital for 2-3 days and then back home to recover. I took off 2 weeks unpaid FMLA at work to watch my Dad and their dog for the first week and then help my Mom recover along with helping with my Dad and their dog for the second week. What I underestimated was how bad my Dad’s dementia has become. My Mom told me my Dad would be okay if I didn’t watch him for 1 day this past Wednesday, so I didn’t. I tried calling and texting my Dad on Wednesday and again this morning to see how he was, and he didn’t pick up the phone. This morning when I went over to my parents’ house, I found the dog placed in my Mom’s car, scared as hell, and my Dad in his underwear roaming the house. Then when I asked him, “Are you ready to go visit Mom?” He replied back, “She’s here, but she hasn’t been talking to me.” I had to spend the next 15 minutes explaining it to him again that she’s in the hospital and we need to go visit her. I then asked him what he did on Wednesday because he didn’t answer the phone, and he said that he went somewhere with my Mom’s friend — no one came to visit him yesterday. I’m trying not to burden my Mom with all this information because she just got out of ICU and into a regular hospital room from having the heart surgery. I wanted to see what she thought because she’s more coherent than my Dad at this point, and she isn’t just like, “Well, that’s your father, he’s impossible!” Also, today I learned that the hospital wants to put her in a rehab center when they release her from the hospital, which I think would be good for her, but it seems like every day my Mom is not there, my Dad is getting worse. When I brought him home tonight from the hospital, I made my dad dinner, fed their dog, and took the dog outside. After dinner, my dad wandered the house saying that there was a man and a woman in the house and that he’s trying to kick them out. There was no one in the house but me, him, and the dog. I was only able to stay at their house till 8 p.m. before I had to go home myself back to my apartment. I’m afraid of what I’m going to walk into when I get there in the morning. I feel bad for leaving him there, but I have my own life and dog to take care of back at my place. I was with him all day.
I told my mom months before she had this surgery that she really needed to sell her house and move into a senior living facility with my dad because if something happens to her, I’m not prepared to take on that responsibility. I honestly struggle to take care of myself sometimes, and I can’t take care of both of them. My mom didn’t want to hear anything about it. So now we’re in this situation, and I have no clue how to go about this. Should I tell someone at the hospital behind my mom’s back about this situation? Is there someone there that can help? I have no idea. I’m literally clueless in all this.