Want to leave but scared
I have been attending an apostolic church for over two years with my kids. At first it was great! Great people who seemed to love me, I found freedom from addiction and other struggles, and gained a deeper relationship with God. But on the other hand, my husband has never accepted and refused to be a part of apostolic church and despised me going. It has caused a lot of marital problems almost leading to divorce. Telling me I put more time into church than family. And that I was changing and hard to talk to and judgmental. He despises me wearing dresses and skirts (and honestly I hate it too) but began doing it because I really do feel convicted to dress more feminine and modest (but never understood the no pants thing) but fear hell of if I don’t comply. I was especially drawn in and enamored by the speaking in tongues. Like this has got to be the real deal. And have sought after it all this time to no avail. An evangelist told me he heard me speak in tongues, and I’ve heard it from several others that they heard me but I never heard myself speak in another tongue. Just English. How could I not know? But I’m scared to death that I have to speak in tongues to be saved, I know it appears real…but I have my doubts too. I don’t want to blaspheme the Holy Ghost. I recently feel like my eyes have been opened that I’ve been so much trying to check the boxes of standards that I dont even understand or like, that I’ve missed the heart of relationship with God and even caused harm to my family. I want to leave due to some doctrinal and church standards that I don’t align with, but on the other hand the fear of leaving “truth” and being hell bound has caused me a deep depression and anxiety. Has anyone left, found a new church, and truly felt Gods hand in it, like absolutely certain that Holy Ghost was prompting you to leave Pentecostal church? Thanks all!