In childhood, abandoned by my parents - now abandoned by my only daughter
Feel terrible this morning. I woke from, yet another nightmare. In the dream, my daughter was with me. My ex and I had divorced. And I was trying to spend time with her. It was time to go home. And she told me to " f " off .....and I walked home alone crying.
It's been years since divorce. My ex is and was a brutally mean alcoholic. But my daughter always loved her deeply. I thought I was a very good parent. But the more I think about it, maybe she is right and I wasn't. Maybe I was and am high spectrum autistic. And I am now in the LGBTQUIA. I was living straight then. As soon as my ex and I divorced, my daughter went my ex's way. And I was completely alone from that point on. It's been years. And my daughter has zero contact with me now. And my life has no meaning. I woke again this morning, debating what to do. Everyone has a choice. I have one person in my life today. He is my friend. And I have some cats that probably wouldn't care if I'm gone. I have no family - though they are all alive and happy I haven't been in their life since 9th grade. My life has no meaning or purpose. I know it means if there is a God, He hates me too.