before i get started here’s some background about myself/my family: im a 16 year old girl born and raised in the uk as a christian, both of my parents are catholic christians i have one younger brother (12) and im not very close with any other of my extended family (dont really have any) (also sorry if this isn’t a lot of background im just stressed rn and youll see why i cant really think)
don’t really know where to start but i started having doubts about christianity at 14 when i began researching about it from a non christian perspective, i think what pushed me to do this was a thought i had about how other people who aren’t christian view the world/how they view christianity. like why do they believe in what they believe and not christianity + i never felt a real connection towards christianity anyway
anyways after a while of researching (around a year) and seeing everything wrong with christianity like the contradictions and the overall inconsistencies within the religion, i decided that i’d leave christianity for atheism since the idea of a god just began to seem silly to me. obviously it wasn’t overnight im just simplifying it a ton right now but eventually i ended up leaving christianity at 15 for atheism (i did look at other religions but like i said the idea of god as a whole just seemed silly to me).
since then ive been a closet atheist and i put up an act in front of my family and friends to make them believe i was still christian (my bsf the only one i trust is christian too so i couldn’t tell her)
yesterday everything in my life fell apart, i was tired of putting up an act for so long and decided to tell my parents id left christianity (the decision wasnt instant id been thinking about it for a few weeks before i just had the impulse and built up the confidence to tell them yesterday) i expected my parents to be mad for sure but abuse me? kick me out of my home? no way. my parents aren’t rlly strict in the first place and they’ve never hurt me or my brother physically
my throat is getting that weird feeling whilst typing this but when i told them both they thought it was a joke but then once they realised i was serious my mum started crying her eyes out and screaming, my heart has never beaten faster and i’ve never felt more scared than at that moment. that’s when my mum who’s always been kind to me slapped me and continued to scream in my face whilst i began tearing up she kept slapping my face and her nails were so long they kept scratching me (i can show photos of the marks because i was bleeding but im not sure it’s allowed here) then my dad who was completely silent stood up from the sofa threw me from my head and i went flying into the wall (i think the side of my head has a lump but im not too sure) all i could do was cry and curl up into a ball because of how scared i was. my little brother came running into the room and started crying because my parents have never hit me or him before so seeing me and them like this just made the poor kid panic ☹️ (my little brother also has adhd).
after being screamed at some more i ran up to my room and locked myself in scared to death since id never experienced anything like that at all and did not expect that from my parents, it was around 9pm at the time and i just went under my covers put my airpods on and cried for a few hours before falling asleep. this morning when i woke up, i woke up with so much regret and feeling so dirty because i had cried everywhere on my pillow and had been wiping my blanket on my face. i just sat in my bed and began crying thinking about last night so scared of what would happen to me and what my parents would do to me it was like they became evil or something. i was so scared to leave my room because both of my parents don’t have work today and i’d have to face them, i just wished i could go back and not tell them or just stay in my room forever
few hours went by and i could physically not go another minute without going to the toilet and so far the house had been dead silent i hadn’t heard anything outside my room, i decided to go to the toilet and once i was done and left the bathroom my mum was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs giving me a death stare, my eyes started tearing up right then and i just froze in fear bcs of how i scared i was of her
in a calm but scary ass tone she said to me “come downstairs now” i was in so much fear that i could barely get myself to move but i did walk down the stairs and she told me to sit at the dinner table so tha we could talk, my dad was already sat at the table and i sat down expecting them to either have a go at me again my mind was just racing with the worst thoughts but my mum sat down too and they both began explaining why they were pretty much disowning me, i was crying and begging them not to and i even tried to tell them id be christian again but they were just not having it (they ofc said more but im trying to keep this short because it’s already so long and my fingers are cold) long story short they made me pack some things in the bag i take to school (im in year 11) and just told me to fuck off pretty much… i begged and begged but they started to get angry again and in my mind i thought id rather leave than be in that position again like yesterday. so yep they kicked me out
all i have with me is some clothes, £30, my power bank, phone and my airpods. it’s 7pm whilst im writing this and im wearing my hoodie underneath my coat and some joggers but im still freezing sat on a park bench and it’s extremely dark. i tried calling my parents but they won’t answer
it’s honestly so depressing as to how they’d just leave me stranded knowing i have no one to call and have practically nothing to my name, i also have my period coming up and i didn’t think to bring anything to prepare for that so that’s also great. i have nowhere to go and feel like k1lling myself tbh
if anyone has advice on what to do please tell me because im so lost i have nowhere or no one to go to and im stressed out of my mind and i haven’t ate anything all day. thought about calling the police but im not really sure
idk how many days my phone will last with my power bank and im also unsure on where im gonna sleep tonight it hust feels like my souls crushed idk what to do