Hi folks,
I’m posting this because I genuinely want honest advice, support, or perspectives from people who may have gone through something similar.
I feel completely mentally exhausted and confused lately, and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
At work, I don’t feel appreciated at all. People treat me badly, and even some juniors don’t respect me. I’m somehow surviving there, but every day feels draining. I already come from a financially difficult background, so I can’t just leave the job. I constantly feel pressured because I need money and stability.
At home, things are not much better emotionally. Whenever I try talking to my mom, I feel like she talks to me but never really listens to what I’m feeling. I know she loves me, but I often feel there’s a noticeable difference in the care and effort she gives my sister compared to me. Even small things affect me emotionally because I already feel unwanted most of the time.
My father passed away when I was in school. He had high expectations for me academically and wanted me to become a doctor, but I was never very good at studies. After he passed away, we moved to my grandparents’ house, and growing up there was difficult because I was often shouted at for mistakes.
Even during college, things were hard emotionally. Professors used to shout at me often, and people would keep asking, “Why are you like this?” I never really understood how to answer that. My friends also treated me differently compared to others, and over time I started feeling like there was something fundamentally wrong with me.
My relationship with my brother is also very painful. He has openly said he doesn’t like me and wants me out of his life. He has insulted me in front of relatives before. Sometimes he acts nicely, but usually only when he needs money or some benefit from me. That hurts even more because it feels conditional.
Over time, all of this has affected me deeply. Even friendships haven’t lasted. Some friends told me my “nature” was the problem, but I genuinely don’t know what exactly is wrong with me or how to improve myself. I keep wondering if I became emotionally difficult because of everything I’ve been through.
I constantly feel tired, emotionally low, and stuck in life. I feel like I’m just surviving instead of actually living. I don’t even know if I’m looking for advice, support, or just someone to understand what this feels like.