How do you overcome self doubt ?
Whenever i feel things are not going right, I happen to write them down, this is how it looks this time.
"Discipline is to act with intention consistently despite impulses or discomfort."
"The version i have to become will cost me my excuses"
There's so much irritation when I'm around with people. It's as if I lose control of the situation and things do not go in my favour. We plan to meet at a set time but I end up delayed sometimes and we either extend the plan or end up dissatisfied or both. We set a budget but always somehow end up exceeding it. We spend hours talking on totally bullshit topics, topics that aren't helping in any way. I don't have the courage to point these out cause I'm scared of losing my friends and close ones. My social life is shit, because I'm not able to say out loud what I want to say. Im scared that if I focus on my social life, then I would not enough personal time and energy to work on my personal projects. At the moment I have been distancing everyone just so I can work on myself while having complete control over the current situation, but it doesn't seem to be doing any benefit. I doubt myself when I see my edits, I dont feel good recording around people. Im not even sure whether I am using english because I'm comfortable with it or to gain a global audience or to simply I'm too uncomfortable talking in local language, I'm no native speaker. When I'm in the room trying to record something, it feels really awkward, especially when my roommates around, I don't have too many spaces to record, there's only one shared room for both of us. Im afraid of losing control because it doesn't go in a desired way. I don't have a "close friend" with whom I have been openly able to convey what goes through my mind. I don't have such a person in my family whom I can trust. Processing all of this, while internalising all the anger and having no place to verbally vent out is really affecting my daily activities. I don't even have that "one talent" which I can confidently say I'm good at/love doing. In my opinion relationships are secondary, it's ok if I can sideline them for sometime and focus now on finding what I want from life, i feel embarrassed to say I'm 23 and still confused on what I want to do in life. I don't want to live life in which I don't achieve anything significant. I want to live a life worth remembering and being proud of. Im always having a serious/gloomy look on my face. The jokes entertain for a while but eventually realisation hits that I have not done/doing anything in life and my life itself is a big joke.The more suggestions I take from others the more confused I get.