How to stop focusing on jealousy & start being a great friend?
So my (31, F) best friend (30, F, we'll call her Haley) / current roommate (2br apt) is in a brand new relationship and it's going really, really well. I'm trying to be super happy for her. Her new partner (34, F) makes a ton of money, is a doctor, owns a gorgeous home, has a great family (mom, dad, sibling; she has no kids, never married), and they're such a great match with one another, but her new partner isn't really someone I would personally see myself being friends with. We've met, we all had a great brunch, but the vibe just wasn't there. Totally fine with me, I'm a pretty introverted person and have a very small circle, which has been changing a lot, since my now best friend is spending most of the week days/weeknights with her new GF.
The problem that I'm experiencing is that quite honestly, I'm jealous. Deeply jealous in a really embarrassing way. Everything seems to fall into Haley's lap. Haley works a very low paying, low lift, low stress job, and I pay most of the rent and utilities here because I can afford it. She always has family and friends paying for her to go on trips. When her car was totaled, the person responsible bought her a brand new one. And now, she has a doctor girlfriend who is taking her on my dream trip next year, a big trip through Europe, and has offered to have Haley move in with her next year.
Meanwhile, I have to carry all of the bills, the household responsibilities, and have to deal with my POS car that I can't replace due to the current market. When she pops by, she eats the groceries I shop for on my own and expects me to replace them. I've struggled in the dating world, unable to have the family I've dreamed of. And now I feel like she's moving on and dropping our friendship for someone who is shiny and new.
In a really unfair way, I feel like my friendship has been obliterated and I have to hear about how great every single aspect (yes, every. single. thing.) about this relationship is while I struggle just to get through. My circle is now even smaller, and the person I used to hang out with is now gone. Our friendship has definitely changed. And that's okay, I don't mind being alone. But it's been hard to control my jealousy and be genuinely happy for her when she's being handed everything I really want.
I know this makes me sound awful. I know this is 100% about the ways I need to get myself together and make a life for myself, by myself. It's just REALLY really difficult to see the people in your orbit accomplishing everything you've dreamed of without a drop of struggle while you're then left behind because your friendship really doesn't mean much.