u/International-Tie612

It’s Mother’s Day today. Some people are out celebrating with their moms, and mine ruined my life. She left me with treatment resistant depression, PTSD, and severe anxiety.
Endured years and years of intense sexual abuse using animals to abuse me, emotional abuse, physical and verbal abuse.

I finally moved away from her, but my life is totally destroyed. Everything is terrifying to me. I’m always in fight or flight. Working feels like agony because I’m so depressed and anxious and have PTSD flashbacks/panic attacks at the slightest things. It’s exhausting. I want to get a lobotomy.

I can’t motivate or bring myself to do anything because I feel so bad and disgusting all the time.

She instilled in me that I am a worthless, stupid, ugly person who will never accomplish anything in life and that I should kill myself to spare those around me (her exact words)

She used family dogs to sexually abuse me, physically abusing me and forcing me to endure it if I resisted. This lasted from when I was 5, up until I was 10. Then she just started molesting me ‘normally’ herself because our family dog died.

My father took his life because of my mom’s verbal abuse, and I was the first one to find his bloody, decomposing body in his apartment when I went to visit him because they were divorced.

When the police came to investigate, my mother pushed my head down onto my dead dad’s cold, dead face covered in dried vomit and blood, and forced me to kiss him ‘goodbye’. She forced me to touch him in his casket as well.

How can someone live a normal life after all of that? I feel totally and utterly defeated. I feel like there’s no hope. Nobody understands.

I’m addicted to video games because it’s the only place I can let my mind rest, and escape to a world that isn’t as messed up and cold and this one. I used to love drawing concept art and splash arts for games as a hobby, but I can’t even do that anymore. I feel like I’ve lost all joy in my life.

I recently celebrated my 26th birthday all alone. Not one happy birthday text. Did absolutely nothing. Just sat and thought about how terrible my life has become. I just played ARAM mayhem for like 13 hours and went to bed.

I have no friends because I’m so depressed, and my abusive ex made me delete every single one of my social media accounts, making me lose contact with all of them.

Nobody sees me or cares about me.

I feel like I’ve been in a tunnel my entire life and I’ll never see the light at the end of it, so I want to curl up inside the tunnel and wait until I shrivel up and die.

Yay for animal crossing turnip notepad tho… :’()