Is It Worth It? A Reflection After 20+ Years of Pet Ownership
I'm 24 years old. When I turned 4, my mother bought my sisters and I our first two animals. A mini-schenauzer named Sugar-pot. A rat-terrier named Leila. I adored them both. We all grew up together. In high school, Sugar died a horrible death to cancer – part of which was our fault in not knowing how best to navigate euthanasia timelines – part of which was just cancer doing its thing. Either way, it was at that moment, on the floor, crying at night, holding him - hoping he would just die - that I was hit with the realization that perhaps the overwhelming amount of pain you experience as a pet owner does not win out in the balance between the happiness and the sadness of pet ownership.
Leila died a few years later. My aunt has never recovered, to this day. Her loss was effectively the loss of a child to my aunt. Seriously, my aunt turned much more heavily into alcoholism after losing Leila. I don’t think most people understand that an animal can quickly become on the same par with a child.
During their lives, we bought a dog, Shadow. My FAVORITE! My little boy. A Black Labrador. A heart of gold. His death was tragic, as well. He lost the ability to stand. Kept shitting himself. And we had to euthanize him. We, again, waited far too long selfishly and he suffered for many months because of it.
My cat - Max. He’s alive. He lives with me and my fiancee. But he’s 13 years old. He’s slowing down. And now I sit awake at night, realizing that it’ll all happen again.
My new kitten - Hazel. He’s alive. He’s going to get neutered on Monday. All I can think about is that my love for him will eventually bring me to kill him for his own sake.
I love being a pet owner so much but I’m honestly burnt out. I love them so much and then when they die I feel a part of me die with them.