u/Intelligent_Age5204

I’m currently in a band with three other guys. We are all near 40 yrs old and haven’t been in bands since our college years. One of my long-time friends who is also the central point of this post invited me to come jam with him and another guy about 6 months ago. We hit it off really well, invited a fourth guy to come play bass, and thus our band was formed. We mainly do small, local stuff.

The issue I am having is that the friend has decided he makes all the decisions for our band, without consideration of others’ wants. He chose our band name and because he likes it, he thinks everyone should like it too. There was no vote or discussion, he just started advertising us under that name. I hate the name, personally, but that isn’t the biggest issue.

He also decides what we play. He chooses songs that spotlight his instrument (acoustic guitar) and refuses to play any other style of music, despite me being mainly a Blues drummer with some interest in hard rock. Our lead guitarist and bassist also like Blues, Rock and Metal.

We have had numerous discussions about the types of music we play and we’ve all put in suggestions for covers we should play, but the acoustic guy refuses to play anything we want. The three of us also want to do more originals than covers, but the acoustic guy says “the people” don’t want to hear originals. He says our audience only wants covers because that’s what he would want to hear when he goes to local bars to listen to small bands.

So, the core issue is that this one member chose our band name, he chose our logo, he chooses the songs we play and won’t consider playing anything else, and he absolutely refuses to play originals, even though myself, the lead and the bassist have come up with a few good songs.

Any tips on how to contend with this? I’ve vocalized my frustration multiple times but the acoustic guy is flat out ignoring what I have to say or what anyone else wants from this, essentially stating that we must do it his way because he knows what’s best. I’m at the point of quitting the band, but wondered if anyone had any better advice?

Context: Im in a small local band, mainly just for fun, as we’re all pushing 40 and none of us have played in bands since our college years. That said, we have a place to practice in an old warehouse where the owner said we can setup and jam out so long as we keep the space clean. As a result, we tend to leave our gear there, as it’s a relatively safe location. I play a Roland electronic kit, nothing fancy - gets me by for what we’re trying to achieve. I live in a different city about an hour away from where practice is, and as noted I leave my kit there. The past several times I’ve come for practice, I’ve found that my kit has been moved - cymbals have been adjusted, toms are rotated, snare is pushed back, module settings are off, etc etc. I like for my kit to be positioned in a very specific way, maybe it’s an OCD thing - I don’t know - but it bothers me when it’s not in the same position that I left it and I have to rearrange everything.

Really, that’s not TOO big of a deal, because I know how it should be set up, but what has started to irk me is finding out that people have been allowed to come into our practice room - at the invite of our guitarist - and permitted to take a seat at my drums and start playing them, which explains why they’re moved between practices.

Beyond that, I’m also learning that kids are being allowed to smash on my drums. Last week, one of my sticks was missing because a kid was pretending it was a wand and carried it off to a different part of the warehouse.

After putting it together that my drums were clearly being messed with, I asked the guitarist if he’s been letting people play on it and he said several people have, like more than 10, including kids.

I also have a cajon that I recently bought and some kids spilled a milkshake on it. Unrelated to the main issue but still bothersome nonetheless.

Maybe it’s just me, but that sorta crap drives me up a wall. I have since brought my kit home with me.