Diary of Heinrich, 14 October 2023
14 October
Rain again today; the kind that makes the city look like an old photograph; grey buildings; wet pavement; people walking quickly as if being alive were an appointment they are late for.
I had the same discussion again; the same words; the same expressions; the same polite silence that means disagreement but also relief that they are not the ones being questioned. I explained everything carefully; statistics; deterrence; responsibility; the philosophy of punishment; but it is like speaking into heavy curtains; the sound disappears before reaching anyone.
What frustrates me is not that people disagree; disagreement is normal; what frustrates me is the certainty; the moral certainty of people who take risks every single day without thinking. They swim and some drown; they drive and some die; they drink and destroy their bodies slowly; they cross mountains; they fly across oceans; life is risk everywhere; risk is accepted as the price of living.
But when I say that justice also involves risk; that every court decision already risks being wrong; suddenly they demand perfection; suddenly one possible mistake becomes more important than all the victims that already exist; as if inaction had no cost; as if refusing to decide were not also a decision.
Sometimes I think people do not really believe what they say; they just want to live in a world where difficult decisions are not necessary; where responsibility can be avoided; where everything can remain theoretical and clean and distant.
I am forty years old and I feel older when I have these conversations; as if I am watching a theatre play that never changes; everyone knows their lines; everyone knows how the play ends; and still they perform it again and again.
The rain has not stopped; the street is shining under the lamps; everything looks quiet; almost peaceful; which is perhaps the greatest illusion of all.