u/InheritanceThrow26

Considering T and the social consequences of trying out transitioning again (I've tried it a bit socially before in terms of haircut and clothing, claimed to be butch if anyone got weird about it) seems not worth it if I'm going to look like the guys in my family and obliterate the good looks I have as a woman. Though I only find women attractive, so I might not be judging my potential looks well. Though I'm very tired of dysphoria. I'm just not sure if T will fix it. Not sure if I'm a trans guy or just nonbinary.

If I might be bigender or want to be able to pass as lesbian/female at family holidays, are my only options for scratching the trans inch top surgery and male-body-style contouring (or just a reduction to a B or A cup) and possibly surgery to make my face look a bit more masculine + working out?

I'm guessing micro-dosing T, even if on DHT blockers, is too much of a gamble / might lower my voice too much?

I would love to look like a hot, pretty guy (anime guy style if the microdosing-T gods favor me) as long as I could keep my hair, but the social consequences with family and at work would be too rough on me for the foreseeable future. I'd like to at least wait until after my grandparents pass away to proceed further than looking like a boi with a wolf cut.

I'm also scared I might miss the voice I had before T changes it or realize I actually liked how I looked before better / that T might make me feel like a hairy gremlin instead of euphoric. Or that these feelings might change depending on the day.

That said, I've always had a low level dysphoria with living as a woman. I just don't know if I'm a "man" man. I've identified as lesbian for years but apparently other lesbians don't fantasize about looking like a pretty man some weekends to the extent they're upset for days.

How did y'all know whether or not you wanted something like top surgery or a (radical) reduction? The thought of top surgery gives me euphoria (especially the inverted T ones done by Dr. Steinwald) but taking a (sort of permanent, technically could be aesthetically reversible) permanent leap like that scares me.

But I'm in my mid 30s and I've had that feelings since my chest initially grew as a teen. So, it's probably not a dysphoria that's going away. I'm just not sure I want to fully transition / get on T, I might be more of a Link-style nonbinary/bigender/genderfluid type of person. Visualizing both in Photoshop on myself has helped some but I'm still on the fence. All I know is having gravity-worn C+'s is not my desired aesthetic lmao.

Ordered a new binder and will see how I like it, I've been wearing compression sports bras from TomboyX to deal with this feeling otherwise.