u/Inevitable-Handle848

My doctor put me on a combination of Escitalopram and Rexulti due to depression and self harm. They gave me bad insomnia and destroyed my ability to focus at school and at work. It also make me very restless and made my suicidal thoughts worse. I told him a month later that I wanted to stop because of this and he responded by doubling my dose? My family was on the doctors side because I "seem better"He also said that he would send me to a psychiatrist if I stopped taking my meds, so I kept taking them and barely slept for months. Eventually I got off the Rexulti following a suicide attempt that was probably at least partly a result of the Rexulti, and I finally got off the Rexulti after 2 days in the hospital. After I got out, a different doctor put me on Olanzapine. They told me its weight neutral but within a week I gained over 15lbs. At least this one let me stop when I said I wanted to, but the withdrawals from 1 day make me extremely dizzy and gives me bad headaches. Im still confused as why my first doctor DOUBLED my dose when I clearly stated it was making me worse. My sleep hasn't recovered and my suicidal ideation seems to get worse by the day.