My mom has leukemia, gf just left me
My (28m) girlfriend (25f) left me two days ago, just before our 2 year anniversary.
Her reason was that she can no longer do this anymore. That she lost herself. She said the main reason was that she didn't feel like a woman anymore. That she was no longer touched or feeling attractive.
Background: everything went very well until about 6 months ago, when my mom was diagnosed with aml leukemia.
My mom is the only relative I have left and she is very important to me. I love her a lot. This whole cancer thing has put so much pressure, anxiety and stress on me that I began having GI issues. I lost almost 6 kgs in the first 2 months. I did my best to manage the situation as well as I could given the situation. I tried splitting trips to the hospital with taking her from school or work afterwards. I tried spending more time with her, even though she always made plans without involving me, and always invited me to said plans, but never really came with a plan of her own.
My mom had to move in with me and her at our place because the hospital is far from her place. First month things went well. Next month, my mom's second stay, we barely made it into the apartment after I brought mom home from the hospital. She was sitting on the couch, watching TV and started a fight with me because I asked her nicely to not go out unnecessarily the day before my mom arrived home, out of hospital. That's because her immunity is inexistent so she had to be protected, at least for a while. She didn't even bother to say hi to my mom. Fighting with me was more important.
Now we arrive at the current stay out of the hospital, where she decided to leave me alone with my mom for 2 days, then came back home from a party and broke up with me. She said it's because she couldn't take it anymore, that she lost herself trying to help me and keep the relationship afloat. She said she wanted me to be more attentive, to buy her flowers more often. But the main pain point was that I was not having any more intimacy with her. She however put it in such an ugly and hurtful way, saying: "you told me you wanted kids with me, how are we gonna make them??", repeatedly.
I know we had very little intimacy while I had to deal with my mom's issues.. but I just couldn't do it. Because of all the stress, I couldn't do it. And it hurt a lot to know that, even though I communicated with her why I can't do it, she still decided to put it so bluntly.
I really tried. She gave me two weeks to change, I tried to change small things at a time, because I had to handle my depression, stress, mom and her feelings. I put mine on the back burner because of this. She said nothing changed and that she's done.
I couldn't muster the strength to say what I was feeling because she came at me really out of nowhere, after not talking with me for a day, and even this time I had to initiate the conversation. I just said it was all my fault because I didn't want to lose her, so I wanted to do anything I could to make her stay.
She packed some of her stuff (I also helped her pack) and I drove her home with her belongings.
Before leaving, she said "please write me" and that "i love you".
However, after writing to her the following day, she wrote back that her decision is final and that I had to respect it. So I did.
She came back to my place today to gather her remaining stuff. I tried to be as polite and calm as possible, even though it hurt. I asked her how she was doing and offered water and food.
While gathering her stuff, she tells me, unprovoked, that she lost a pair of pants in a man's car she met at one of those parties a couple days ago and that this dude said he's sleeping with her pants under his pillow. That broke me really bad.
Before leaving, I asked her to please sit down. I wanted to tell her what was eating me from inside out: the fact that, as she put things, it was all my fault. She never took any blame. So I had to talk to her and at least tell her that I really tried, all things considered, to make her happy. I noted to her that her comment of "how are we gonna make kids" really hurt, knowing my manly issues.. she responded with: "but it's true, isn't it?". I tried to defend myself saying I tried doing small things, such as making her sandwiches for work, leaving her notes for her to read when waking up, always cleaning the apartment on my own, doing dishes, chores, groceries, staying awake and holding her until she fell asleep, kissing her on the forehead.
She said, for some women, intimacy is more important. That it was not close enough. That also hurt a lot because holding her was a safe space for me. I did it because I loved her.
I said I am very sorry for not buying flowers more often. She said it's not as important, that it was just an anecdote when she said it last time.
Afterwards, she tried to leave. I have to admit I raised my tone a bit, because I was hurting and she really could not understand that my mom was very important to me.
She said I have to go see a psychologist to fix my issues. That, as she put it "I will be gone, your mom will be gone and you will be alone". I could not believe my ears.
That broke me even more. I did my utmost, in the situation, to make her happy and take care of my mom, because she only has me and I only have her. It appears that was not important to her.
I am now alone but feeling like a weight was taken off my shoulders. I feel like she showed her true colors today.
I want to note that she actually was very supportive and did a lot of work to keep me going. Cooking mostly, but in other ways as well. I always told her that "I don't know if, were the situation inverted, I could do what you did for me" - but I said this as a compliment to her.. at least in my head.
I know I was wrong. I made a lot of mistakes. But what she said today is unforgivable to me. My mom has also been feeling sad because of this.
I don't know if I did all I could for her. I feel guilty that she had to endure all the stress and the lack of intimacy.. Maybe I could have done more for her. I don't know. It's been a tough time.