Feeling like some sort of "monkey-thing".
On and off, I feel like I am some sort of primate or human-adjacent creature, but I can't for the life of me pinpoint it. I feel some euphoria calling myself some sort of monkey-thing. Not in a human way, either.
I know I am some sort of ape, but not in the human context. I feel more closely related to gorillas and monkeys than humans. Like I am more of a monkey than a human being. This spreads across multiple contexts.
I don't have monkey shifts, I'd say I am just always in the back of my mind feeling like some sort of monkey-esque creature. I get more euphoria from moving in monkey-like or gorilla-like ways. I don't make many monkey vocalizations, but they don't feel wrong, exactly.
What's making me confused is how much of this comes from my human-thinking and what of it is from actual monkey nonhumanity. I used to be a lemur, but I'm feeling much closer to being a Capuchin monkey. Or something that is related to monkeys. It's so hard to explain. It's not otherhearted, because I *am* this thing, but I just feel like my species is much more aligned with monkeys in some way. But not in the human theory of evolution way.
I'll probably play around with calling myself a monkey-thing or gorilla and see where that takes me and how it feels. It feels much better than considering myself human. I feel like some sort of off-brand human rather than an actual human. Offhuman was a word I wanted to use, but it still feels too human for me to want to use. Nonhuman primate/ape works, too, now that I think about it.