Talking shit
I genuinely want to stop talking shit about people. It is my biggest flaw, by far. For those who used to be no longer talk negatively about others - how do I stop. It’s compulsive at this point. I don’t notice until I’m mid story that I’m doing it. Do I need to quit social media? Does it need to start within? I have narrowed it down to three reasons why i do it:
Belonging. As someone who grew up in household where i didn’t feel like I ever really belonged, talking negatively has allowed me to fit into spaces, at least temporarily. However, when I start to get close to people, I think they realize that I’m not a good friend because of this bad habit.
Attention. I know it is pathetic to admit, but again, growing up in a family, where I was neglected, there were too many children, and where my parents only gave attention when you were doing something negative - I genuinely love when peoples eyes are on me, and I have everyone’s attention. Sometimes I start with positive things, and I can tell people are more bored and less attentive, when I begin to tell them how great things are in my life or what’s going well. Maybe that is all in my head?
I would say the last reason is that I don’t have the most positive view of my self. My automatic thoughts about myself are almost always negative and it takes a lot of time and effort to counteract these thoughts, because a lot of the times I don’t even know they are happening. Perhaps I also self sabotaging close relationships because I feel I am unworthy of them.
Help! I want to be better. I also work with a new coworker who’s incredibly good at balancing talking positively about other others but NOT being overly toxically positive. I don’t get to work with her every day, but I am genuinely studying how to master this behavior. It’s so attractive to me! I just wanna be like this.