My wife slept with 11 men
I’m in my early 20’s and I got married 6 months ago. Before I got married, I had only had sex one time in my life. I was raised in a Christian home, which I’m incredibly grateful for, and it was pretty strict. As a kids I was sexually abused from the age of 6-11 which made me view sex in a weird light growing up. So I just never had sex except for one time.
On the contrary, before my wife met me, she was sexually active with 11 men. 4 boyfriends, and the rest were tinder hookups.
I love my wife so much. She’s absolutely amazing.
But because of how I grew up viewing sex as disgusting and weird, I have a hard time not viewing my wife as disgusting and weird. I have incredibly intrusive thoughts about her sleeping with other men and it gives me anxiety attacks and causes me to violently weep. It makes me feel so horrible to think about it. And I can’t stop thinking about it…all the time….every day. It is absolutely overwhelming. I feel like nothing we share together is special. Oh and I also have really bad Borderline Personality Disorder.
I don’t know what to do.