My family of four live multiple states away from my family of origin and have for about 10 years. We have two young kids- one diagnosed with autism level one and my husband is also autism level 1/2. Recently diagnosed right after our daughter. My husband has been struggling with regulation and just life in general since his diagnosis and the birth of our second child, and has been in and out of burnout for 2 years. We are juggling a lot, and I often feel like I am supporting everyone, and while I do feel very supported by my husband, I also feel guilty asking support of him back because it depletes him so much. We don’t have any help from anyone here, so it feels like there’s no escape hatch on hard days for me to say “you need a quiet day, I’ll take the kids to my mom” for example.
We do have in-laws in our area, but they are all also autistic and not really able to provide the kind of family connection or support that I grew up with. I love them so dearly, but it’s a reality I’ve come to accept since we had our children. They have limitations to what they are able to or want to do for us. My family is the kind of family that is up in each other’s business all the time, which is comforting to me, and overwhelming to my husband. I dont know if blwing up our whole life for more support and more family connection would be good or bad for him, because he masks around them and gets exhausted.
My sister is preparing to start a family in the town that I grew up in and I am feeling such a strong pull to move back with my kids so that we can raise our children together. I want to be able to build the kind of cousin relationship that I haven’t been able to create with cousins here (who are also autistic, and fairly anti social).
My husband doesn’t like change, either, and has never left this area, so for him it would be hard. But would it eventually be good? Would our daughter benefit from more family support? More help with our other child while I juggle therapy and OT for the big one?
I just am curious what kind of support other families have and if you feel like it makes things easier.