This is Yuki.
I found her on Ebay when she was 12, and a family in Berlin got a kid that was allergic and they didn't have time for her. She came back with me, hid under the bed for 3 days, until she finally decided to approach me and get pets and fall asleep on my lap (but woke up and bit my hand out of confusion). We became best friends over the years, and then we moved from Berlin to Norway, where she could finally be outside for the first time in her life, at 15 years old. She experienced the snow, donkeys living next doors, and the thrill of being outside.
I practiced stoicism at that time in my life. I had always said to myself when I was with her and she was sleeping in my lap or under the blanket in my bed, that, "We might not have a lot of time together, but I am so grateful for the time we have", and everytime I had to leave the house, I kissed her and made a mental note that this might be the last time I see her.
Then at pentacostal, I went to see my family on the other side of the country, kissed and hugged her goodbye as she was dozing off in the sun. And yes - it was the last time I saw her.
I landed at the airport, and my husband told me she had been gone since last afternoon - he had been up looking for her all night, and I was in tears and up looking for her all night. I could see her everywhere when I looked outside. But she was nowhere to be found. Maybe it was her time. We never found her again.
It's a big wound in my heart, but really being there in the moment has helped me get through it. Sorry for the long read!
I miss you, Yuki <3