u/Ill_Cauliflower_12

More walks, more cuddles, more kisses, more treats. More sunshine, more adventures, more neck and belly scratches. More talks, more time, more toys, more playtime.

I should’ve done more.

I should’ve let him sniff more, I should’ve been more patient with him. I should’ve taken him on more car rides, I should’ve taken him to more stores. I should’ve taken him to more parks.

I could’ve done more.

Something incredible happened on my drive home after my dog, Beamer, passed.

I was completely overcome with grief. Crying, calling out his name in agony, “Beamer! Beamer!” in total despair just thinking about the fact that he was not coming home with me. I’ve never felt pain like that before. Only some people will truly understand that kind of pain.

It all hit me at once and I felt shattered.

In that moment I cried out, “God please help me. Give me peace.”

And within seconds, a wave of peace flooded my heart and calmed my spirit.

I can’t fully explain it, but I know the Lord heard me.

I am still deeply sad. I still miss my boy more than words can describe. But somehow, at the same time, I also feel peace. God’s presence met me in one of the hardest moments of my life, and I will never forget it.

Coming home broke me all over again. No paws click clacking across the floor. No pacing. No little sounds. No presence following me from room to room.

Just silence.

Beamer boy, thank you.

You got me through my 20s and early 30s and boy… that was ruff. Thank you for being so loyal, patient, kind, and understanding. We traveled everywhere together. So many road trips, a few plane rides, random adventures, and memories. You lived in NYC for most of your life, then got to experience the desert heat of Arizona. We even spent time in Texas and California too.

This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

I’m so proud of you, and I know you’re proud of me too. I I learned so much with you. You were literally the perfect dog, buddy. Never any major health issues, knew your tricks and commands, and somehow always understood me. So freaking smart, dude.

Man, I love you to pieces.

I’ll never forget your soft, silver hair, your paws that occasionally smelled like corn chips, the little lumps and bumps on your body as you aged, your beard you wore so proudly, your fluffy tail, and your huge appetite. Your love for treats and toys. Your big brown eyes and the faces you’d make when you wanted something or when you were relaxed. You were always so full of expression.

Beamer boy, thank you for being here for 15 years. I never really thought about the time passing. I never thought our friendship would come to an end so soon.

People joke that dogs don’t think much, but that was never true for you. I swear you used your brain too much because CCD took over. You had so much personality and so many thoughts. You were always so vocal, and I loved that about you. Just so much love packed into one little body.

You left your paw print on my heart and soul forever. My soul dog.

Losing you has also reminded me how intentional God is with His creation. Animals were never “just animals.” God created them with purpose, beauty, personality, emotion, and life. Scripture says His creation was good, and I believe that with my whole heart. You were proof of that. Your loyalty, companionship, comfort, intelligence, and unconditional love reflected so much of God’s care.

I truly believe animals are one of God’s gifts to humanity. They teach us patience, gentleness, responsibility, compassion, and how deeply we can love another soul. They bring joy, comfort, protection, and healing in ways words can’t fully explain.

Somewhere along the way in my early 20s, I stopped looking for God, but He never stopped looking for me. A few years ago, I found my way back to Christ, and somehow you were there through all of it. Through the lost years, the growing years, the healing, and finding my way back home spiritually. I’d like to think you can rest peacefully knowing I found my way back to God. Somehow that feels meaningful to me.

God doesn’t fail. I’m so thankful our paths crossed and that I got to experience a love like yours in this lifetime. You were there for the first half of my adulthood. Through heartbreak, tears, stress, growth, and everything in between. You listened when nobody else was there.

Buddy, you did it all. You lived a beautiful life. I guess it’s time for you to rest now while I enter a new chapter too.

Thank you for being my best friend. So loyal. So smart. So full of personality.

I’ll see you in heaven someday, my sweet baby boy.

I love you forever and always, my papa.