I'm a teenager (or 13F🤢) and I’ve gotten really close to one of my friends, and I feel like I’ve become way too emotionally attached to her. sometimes i get to a point where i just absolutely hate everyone and everything except for her and its actually really really weird. one of my friends has tried to be nicer to me and very clearly tried to get closer with me just pushed her way so i could put ALL my effort into me and my best friends friendship. actually that was kinda irrelevant bc ive kinda learned to not do that but whatever i kinda ruined the chance of getting closer with the other friend
shes said stuff like none of her other friends compare to me and how I'm funnier than all her other friends and said I'm her number one, at a point we stopped being friends and she said her life wasn't the same without me. but she doesn't really act like it sometimes. I cant handle the fact that she changes her opinion about people so fast. I'm constantly worried about being her first choice and her ONLY best friend.
I know this isn't just a normal “best friend” situation. I constantly think about where I stand with her and whether I’m her “number one” or not. If I feel like I’m not, it genuinely affects my mood a lot. I get jealous when she gives attention to other friends, even over small things like who she sits with, talks to, or hugs.
Shes the first person to ever really treat me as I'm just as much of a human as her. everyone else in my life just has treated me as entertainment, but she really does care about me. I've never been a person to depend on others, but she has treated me better than anyone in my life ever has and it really makes this harder. I'm just so scared of just being one of her friends instead of her best friend.
The problem is, I KNOW this isn’t healthy. She hasn’t really done anything wrong. She’s just a normal person with multiple friends, but my brain keeps turning it into something bigger, like I’m being replaced or that I’m not as important.
Sometimes I even catch myself getting irritated at her other friends for no real reason, which makes me feel really guilty because I’m actually friends with some of them too.
I also feel like I put way more emotional weight into the friendship than she does. Like, I would drop everything for her, but I know she wouldn’t do the same, and that hurts even though I know it’s not a reasonable expectation.
Another thing is that I feel like I’m always chasing a certain level of closeness that I had with her at one point, and when it’s not like that anymore, I get anxious or upset.
When she mentions something about her other friends or goes and sees another friend between a class i go completely non verbal and just lose all interest in talking out loud at all and she gets mad because i wont tell her whats wrong immediately.
I don’t want to feel like this. It’s exhausting and honestly kind of disgusting. I don’t want to be someone who’s constantly jealous or dependent on one person for my happiness. and i definitely don't want it to affect her.
Has anyone dealt with this kind of attachment before? How do you stop caring so much about being someone’s “favorite” or “number one”? like seriously I've been trying to stop being like this for almost half a year now.. lmk☺️