gaming was my whole life and now I feel empty
I sold my gaming pc at the end of 2023 when I moved in with my girlfriend. at the time, I was super addicted to league of legends and had sunk well over 10,000 hours into it over the previous couple years alone. before that it was classic world of warcraft. gaming had been the center of my life for as long as I can remember, going all the way back to being a kid messing around on my dad’s playstation 1.
things really took off for me with the xbox 360 era, especially halo 3 and cod 4. that was when online gaming became more than just something fun to do. it became my whole social life, my routine, my main hobby, pretty much everything.
when I sold my setup and moved in with my girlfriend, things actually felt great at first. I was excited to have all this time back. we started spending more time together, going out more, seeing friends, doing normal life stuff, and honestly it felt really refreshing in the beginning.
but eventually that feeling wore off. around a year later, when world of warcraft season of discovery came out, I realized I could run it on my macbook well enough to play. it obviously wasn’t the same as having a real gaming setup, but it was enough to pull me back in a little.
at first it was just nostalgia and casual fun, but then the same cycle started happening again. I’d log on, play for hours, enjoy myself while I was playing, then afterward feel guilty because I knew I was slipping back into old habits and wasting time again. eventually I quit, canceled my subscription, and stopped playing altogether.
the problem is that nothing has really filled that void since then. gaming wasn’t just entertainment for me. it was basically the foundation of my life for like 15 to 20 years. most of my friendships came from online communities too. I even deleted my main discord account at one point, which I honestly regret because it pretty much erased contact with a lot of longtime friends.
ever since then I’ve just felt stuck. it’s been almost three years since I sold my pc and I honestly don’t feel any better. I’ve tried doing all the things people recommend, like fitness, hobbies, going outside more, cooking, trying to meet people, but none of it really clicks for me. I don’t get excited about any of it the same way I did with gaming.
now I’m at this point where part of me really wants to build another gaming pc and just go back to that life because it’s the only thing that ever consistently made me feel engaged and interested in something. but at the same time I feel guilty even thinking about it because I know how obsessive I can get with games.
and the weird part is that even when I do go back sometimes, it doesn’t feel the same anymore. most of the people I used to play with are gone now. the communities changed. I changed too, probably. so now it just feels kind of lonely.
I don’t know. I just feel empty a lot of the time and I honestly have no idea what I’m supposed to replace something that big with.