I've struggled for years to find a rewarding, productive & creative outlet. I thought I finally found one in woodcarving. My mom got me a full set as a birthday present(first one I've gotten in well over a decade and a half) and I was so excited, I immediately I took to my first project. I hand carved a little fox without a template or anything. Sure, some parts of it were a bit scuffed, sure, it took me 6 hours, but for a first attempt, I was over the moon and genuinely very proud of myself. I thought this was it.
I showed it to people and the reactions were like a gut punch. All were comments as if it was a work-in-progress. Like it was nowhere near done. And then my girlfriend came over. I love her & she's a very gifted creative. She thought my carving was cute and she seemed very genuine. It helped. Then, fast forward to this evening and she started also carving, because she's never done it before either. Also making a fox. Also without template. And within 30 minutes she already had something that absolutely, without hyperbole, blows mine out of the water.
I know you're supposed to do this type of stuff for the relaxation of it all, and for that first project, it was very relaxing.
But now the entire feeling around it has changed. I thought I finally found something that I can do well enough to be both used as an exercise in relaxation, as well as something to make stuff to boost my confidence. And it's just been utterly shattered. I could genuinely cry right now. I feel ashamed for even feeling this way, about something that's so trivial in the grand scheme of things. I'm a grown ass man over halfway through my twenties but I wouldn't blame you reading this post that you'd think I was half that.