hi everyone, 18F here (possible tw, eating disorder mentioned briefly?).
i have always been told that i am smart. especially when i was a little kid, people would supposedly be impressed by my intelligence, more specifically, my ability to remember things. according to my parents i was reading chapter books at age 4 (what a lie). i skipped a grade in school (kindergarten) and went straight to first grade, where i was tested for giftedness and i remained in the gifted program all throughout school until college, where i am now.
my parents didn't tell me my iq for some time (as is reasonable) until one day a few years ago, i came home from school and told my mom about how i was learning about memory and intelligence in my AP Psych class. we did a quick 'game' in class where the teacher put up a sequence of numbers on the board, removed it, then had us all check how many we could remember in order. i told my mom how everyone else in the class could only remember about 6-8 numbers or less, but i was able to remember ~15.
after that, my mom just casually told me something like "oh yeah, when you got tested in elementary school, you scored so well on the memory portion that the administrators couldn't believe it and thought there was an error with the test. your iq was like in the high 130s to 140s."
i wish she'd never told me that because i genuinely don't believe it. i've always thought i was only slightly above average, maybe 110-115. especially in recent years, i have a lot trouble with cognitive tasks such as paying attention, keeping track of things, i have trouble keeping up with school, and overall i just come across as a generally dumb person. i feel like i'm not nearly as sharp as i was when i was a kid. at first i thought it may be "brain fog" as i am on a few medications and i have also dealt with anorexia, and i know both of those things can impact cognitive function in some way. i am also being tested for autism/adhd soon as i am suspected to be neurodivergent, if that really means anything in my case.
but i seriously believe i am just like this. maybe i was smart as a kid but my intelligence leveled out over time, now compared to everyone i feel average at best. an iq of around ~140 is insanely high from what i know and there's absolutely 0 chance i fit into that standard. i've taken some online iq tests and have gotten anywhere from 116-145, so that doesn't help much.
has anyone experienced something similar, or can someone offer me some input on my situation? i'm torn between feeling like the dumbest, smartest, and most average person alive.