Hello esteemed doctors!
I am a 21 year old woman, with a very radical and orthodox Christian family. They didn't allow me to go for higher studies, as they believe I'm lazy b*tch(their words), with no attention span and no capability. I used to excel in academics as a child, but I feel like I've slowly either lost motivation, or the drive...idk.
I used to dream of joining a med school, I still do, but they're not ready to pay for it, and even i doubt myself now.
Still, I'm working 3 jobs(one they know about, and the other two they don't)
My alcoholic dad claims the money from the first job, and I've been saving money from the other two jobs to move out in the near future.
But recently I've been so demotivated, I can't focus on my work, it's like my brain has shut down. I have begun procrastinating a lot, even when I KNOW I can't afford to.
I got fired from a job because of it last week.
I can't remember what I read, I am careless af. I am so unable to focus, it's like there's some weird energy within me.
I try to get fleeting dopamine rushes from wherever I can. And it's harming me. Very very much.
I tried to look it up, and found I might have ADHD.
I took several paid, and free tests online, and I've a very high chance of having ADHD according to all of them.
I told my brother, and he told my dad, and my whole family mocked me for a month straight.
I live in a very small town, and we have only one psychiatrist, and I would be murdered if I go. I'm not kidding.
But my situation is deteriorating day after day. I can't even muster up the energy to get out of bed somedays, and somedays I feel I might die if I don't do something productive.
So much restless energy.
Most of the time, I end up barely meeting the deadlines in my job , or be it in the online classes that I take.
I can't go to a psychiatrist, so I'm stuck here, failing and losing in whatever I do.
I didn't know what to do, where to go.
So i finally created this reddit account, and I beg of you, please help me.
What can I do? Please help me!