u/Ilikeenglishtea

I was just thinking something. I have always struggled with my body and not being “good” enough. My stomach was too fat… my butt not big enough. There was always something to change. People told me to love myself but it didn’t make me feel it. I’m not going to sit here and lie to you that I don’t still do that, but something has changed. This happened because, when I was in the gym, I saw a girl who I thought looked attractive. She had back fat. Now this isn’t even a criticism. When she turned and I saw her back fat I thought: that is something I hate about myself, so why does it still look so attractive on her? If anything elevate her? I realised that when I see people I see a big picture: the way she walked, her hair and overall frame. Then it was clear to me. I looked back on photos I had of myself which I had hated at the time and thought that I looked horrendous because of my stomach or other things. Then I realised that actually I looked great. Not just good. Great. My body is hourglass and, even though there’s some slight softness, if I look as the big picture I’m actually very attractive. Since realising this I’ve felt significantly prettier. Now when I look in the mirror I’m not as zoomed in on what I see. What helped is I was talking about insecurities with a friend. His were things like his height made him the tallest in the room and he had social anxiety which made him feel exposed: there was nowhere to hide. But to me his height is an attractive factor. I told him I hate the right side of my face and went on and on about how bad it is, and how poorly it photographs. He told me that he doesn’t know how it would look on a phone screen but to him he sees no difference and thinks both sides are attractive. I was shocked he couldn’t see because I can see it in real life and on camera. Then I realised he thinks of me as attractive for more factors than zooming in on my face: my personality, the way I hold myself, the micro movements that signal availability and charisma, smiling, curves, how well groomed I am. Then I realised that I was never the problem. It was always comparing myself.