u/Ieatducksfprfun

I’m 17 m and ever since I can remember I just dread family activities, parties, bonfires etc, it’s not that I don’t have friends I’ve had multiple friends in my life that I’ve been close enough to were they ask me to go to something but it’s like my whole existence just says absolutely not. Recently well.. tonight my gf 17 f asked me to go to a bonfire with her friends, they all seem pretty cool but there gonna be smoking a bit but nothing crazy and I’m pretty avid non smoker or drinker I’ve done it in the past maybe even to much but idk something switched in me freshmen year and now I totally can’t stand to be around any of it well recently I’ve started to be fine with it as long as it wasn’t me doing it or the event wasn’t to crazy, well she just invited me to come and half of me said Absolutely not. And the other half was being convinced like “maybe that’s not that bad” “maybe it’ll be fun” and I just usually automatically exclude myself and I feel like a complete douche because all the other girls she’s friends with there bfs are gonna be there. She’s not mad at me for not going she understands but I just hate myself for it. I need advice to see if anyone is older or also feels like this and how did they solve it?… I hate being uncomfortable for these things and just every time they come up just shutting it down for myself immediately to the point I haven’t gone to a single party not even slept somewhere else in close to 5 years. And I have no clue why I am this way. I need advice on how to help it or if anyone has gone through this? (Also sorry if my English is bad I’m typing this anxiously and I suck at English)