u/IdrisSignal

Ok so at around 2:40am I jolted awake. I started writing it down in my notes so here it goes.

starts with me having a birthday. Everyone is talking and there was a lot of people in the room. drinking and laughing They’re about to do my birthday cake But I was excited to show everyone that I had 4 pet horses. I started opening doors and cupboards trying to find them and realized I had no horses but I thought I did. I walk to go to my cake and everyone gathers as I look at the cake and see they put a little horse on it because everyone also thought I had horses (I’ve never even ridden a horse in real life or care about them that much) I whack the horse off the cake and scream THAT WONT DO, everyone goes silent and asks if my horses are ok. I said what and as I said “what”. Horton from Horton hears a who shows up, and froze time. But only I could move because I was standing under a clock, he comes up to me and asks where are your horses. I told him that I know where they are but Im too lazy to get them cold started (almost like a car) but it was summer time and you don’t cold start horses so I don’t know why I said that, anyway just as I said that it goes cinematic montage war movie style, and here’s the chilling part. We both have helmets on and he tells me to duck, as he brought out a pair of binoculars. He starts rattling off military lingo, I think he said “northwest 200 clicks out I see a truck………………………………

An ice cream truck” (there was a long pause) this is where it gets weird, for some reason Jordan Peterson rolls in on a creepy crawly with ice cream running down his belly, and he said “don’t play games with horses, you haven’t seen half the shit I’ve seen” he then said something that I won’t repeat here but it was along the lines of telling me washing my male genitalia is what good horses do and that’s why I don’t have a horse, to which I remember laughing at him because I knew that wasn’t true. And I opened the closet and low and behold there was Horton eating an ice cream. He said “how do I look” that’s when I woke up

Like I said I woke up in a cold sweat and panic. I’m wondering if there’s some sort of meaning or religious or apocalyptic meaning behind all this, after writing it down I started googling horses for sale but didn’t have any new spark for horses and also realized how expensive they were for what your actually getting which from everything I know about horses they are flea bitten mischievous 2000 pound running machines (just my opinion don’t focus on that) but I want to know what you guys think of all this.

I’ve been playing pretty consistently for 2 years, I’m a level 893. And my highest character level is Genji which is 96. My highest rank is gold 5 (im not joking)

You might be either confused or suspecting I’m just simply bad. But for some context let me explain myself. I’m not a one trick clip chasing genji, while he’s my most played and mastered character, I know how to play all dps and tank hero’s pretty well. I know how to abuse all dps hero’s abilities and I’m very quick to counter ults and abilities with each characters abilities/ult, I know all my characters specific roles in relation to their play style and how it effects my teams roster and the enemies, from cooldown management, when to hold corners, when to change positions when to guard backline ect. and the enemy teams roster, I know all the counters. And while genji is my main, I know when to swap off which is usually pretty early aswell especially if I see a disadvantage looking at the team and the enemy team’s characters. And the first engagement flops.

After playing for the amount of time I’ve had. I feel pretty confident that I know what I’m doing, I do vod reviews of myself constantly, and even enemy and teammate perspectives, and yet the rank still shows a huge mismatch, don’t get me wrong I consistently get games where I smash it, but it seems like that only happens when at least 2 of my teammates know what their doing, not overextending, falling back, avoiding feeding enemy ults ect. And it’s not like it’s rare, but here’s the dilemma I’m noticing.

I play at night, late at night. Almost exclusively…..
Why? Because of my daily responsibilities and work life, this is the only timeframe where my time is “mine”, and I’ve tried to stay really optimistic and not focus on rank, which is what I’ve been doing for the past 2 years, focusing on my improvement alone, and not the random teammates I get, I’ve gotten very good at carrying, although sometimes the enemy team is doing all the right things, and my teammates are literally playing like their in bronze. In which case I don’t have a high enough skill to carry super hard.

I really want to rank up past silver because it’s starting to look more like a skill ceiling. Which based off my mechanical skill and gamesense feels really hard to accept. But I’m not sure what to do. It really does seem like a perfect 50-50, sometimes I question if teams are smurfing because I’ve had plenty of times where my teammates were pretty decent, which gives me more room to focus on what Im doing. And I absolutely give my 1000% effort. And we still lose, I always say it feels like “clawing and fighting tooth and nail just to lose”.

I’ve tried taking a break after 3 losses, then coming back the day after, that never really worked, I get big win streaks sometimes but it’s usually followed by more 50-50 or just a lose streak. I also know that some of my teammates may have just gotten to silver, and are still inexperienced. Which I totally get. But I also have a lot of games where the rank gap is huge, I’ve been in games where it’s literally plat and silver.

Maybe I should accept that this is my ceiling, but I hear people reaching gold and or plat within months to half a year, and I feel discouraged, like are they really just that good?

And finding teammates that are consistently on at the hours I’m on is impossible, but I’ve seen “unranked to GM” videos and they play with random teammates, and thought that maybe if Improve enough I can at least reach gold or plat, which again is what I’ve been trying to do for 2 years. But I find consistently that I’m having to carry and compensate for teammates that are either in bronze or just got to silver. And sometimes I simply can’t do it. Most of my wins are from me carrying and healers seeing my value. Just wanted to know what you guys think.