it’s 1pm and I have experienced a lot of clarity in life over the last few hours. I’ve been persecuted for being a Christian but I love you all and I’m glad that God loves me.
I want to be good in this world and I’m not going to give up on that.
So I recently put up a post about the fact i worry im losing my faith.
For some context, ive not exactly had it easy. I think on my very first post on this reddit I spoke about a recent breakup that broke me.
Idk if i mentioned it in that post but when I was around 7 or 8 i was taken advantage of bt a family friend multiple times over a year or two. I won't say exactly what happened but you can sort of guess what.
That stemmed into an addictionnto corn. Something I still struggle with now at 24. It’s how I lost the man that recently broke up with me.
Im starting to move on now from him. Im talking to new gents and have been on a couple of dates with this one man whom I like, however He’s very on and off with messaging so it’s making me second guess everything.
However it just seems that no matter how hard I try nothing is getting better. I have no friends, no love, im incredibly lonely, self concious, and anxious.
Ive tried therapy, but it didnt help. I dont want to try medication because of the side affects.
Its now affecting my faith. Initially it brought me closer to God. I read some of the bible, started going back to church and praying daily. However deep down I know I only got closer because I was hoping my ex would come back to me. I now know thats not how it works.
Now I'm just so lost. In the bible I remember something about how God rejoices more over one lost sheep than the 99 other sheep who weren't lost.
So why doesnt he help me. Why doesnt he bring me back to him. I feel completely helpless. I just go back to the same state ive been in my whole life and I dont know how much longer I can go on.
I pray - nothing happens. I beg - nothing happens.
I even tried fasting once and nothing.
Why won't he help me?