Here’s my story for my person to read. I’ve been married for a long time. I reconnected with an ex of mine a few years ago. One I never fell out of love with.
After seeing him again, all those years of becoming best friends again. (No cheating happened, just long conversations- so maybe emotional cheating? My partner doesn’t count that tho) things came to ahead. I had at the time made a the choice I thought was expected of me. Choose the husband. Who you’ve always chosen.
But that didn’t sit right but you shove it down. You work on other parts of yourself first. Step by step. My best friend I had gained had disappeared over night.
I said so many hurtful things I can’t fully remember now. I waited another year tried to get sober. Trying to get my life together. I felt I had a special connection with him.
I thought all those things he said were true. That maybe just maybe after these two years he could feel maybe how I felt. I have a shot. Wrote him. Two very poorly thought out emails. Emails that never got a reply. Eating me up inside how was my best friend doing.
Eventually you go hunting online where you used to go to try and see him again. You work out a lot of emotions and cry and figure out that, wait you really do love him. Fully and completely you were just always choosing the safer route.
But what turned out to be a decree of love turned into a bitter fueled hate. The best friend had read something that they weren’t supposed too while processing feelings. Now the best friend won’t believe the truth.
The truth is I’m hurt now. I really wanted to give us a shot. After learning how much feeling he could actually have had for me. You go to your husband and tell him you’re in love with your best friend that’s been gone for two years. You tell him right after hitting send with your love decree.
A day ago you tell him you choose the best friend. Things are weird around here but it felt like it would be worth it to give this best friend and I a real shot. We’ve had a full mess of things. Hopefully this go around could be better.
I am ready to move forward with a future with my best friend. I’m ready to have all the hard conversations.
Screaming out can we finally really try and do this. For real, the truth not a joke.
Laying down now, waving my white flag. I had hoped with a divorce decree in tow my words might come as some sort of olive branch of faith. Of putting in the work to start us off right
But now the cold has set in. No help was to be found when saying my truth. It’s hard when someone you truly love and are willing to move so much for, who has been writing apparent love letters for since they stopped talking, can’t actually mean what they wrote.
So I bow out. If only he could actually give me a chance to talk. I’m holding out very little hope. I want to start a new life with him. I can’t express it better. That’s the truth. I’m not a snake in the grass. I want to do this with you. The right way. Both feet in.
I get it it’s messy. But it’s up to you. Ball is in your court. I’d just like to have an actual adult conversation about this. But I don’t know if I’ll ever even get that. That’s my peace, this is my final try.