u/IceLost5080

Hi guys. Normally I really wouldn’t do that but I thought, why not try to get a other point of view on my situation, life or whatever this may be. So if it matters, I‘m a sixteen year old male. Lets cut the small talk. I really don’t know how to overcome addictions. I feel like I‘m at a point where I‘m just wondering, if it‘s even worth feeling guilty for doing „bad stuff“. Obviously I won’t try to make any person feel bad with my actions, more the opposite. I‘m christian (even though I‘m struggling a bit with that at the moment), I‘ll always try to follow that ideology. What I mean by bad stuff, are my addictions. This may be over eating, lust, getting high, or whatever other things I may do. I‘ve tried to quit so many times. It doesn’t feel like addictions are quitable. Well at least it feels like that for me, because if I manage to not be lustful for like two months, I always go back in the end to do it again. I wanted to kill myself because of my addictions. It drove me crazy. Then I traced away from God a little. I didn’t care as much when I „failed“. I can’t say, if it made me less suicidal, but if I had to explain it in numbers it would be like that: Feeling guilty and living my life with God made my happiness depend from 0-100% and if I don’t feel guilty and just don’t care as much anymore it‘s from 40-80% happiness but I also feel a bit empty. I haven’t questioned God before, that‘s why this is so heavy for me. When I sinned, I always had him. Now I get these thoughts that I may be alone on this world. Sure I got friends and family but nobody knows me as much as God would if he exists. I feel dumb. What if I‘m just searching for a reason to live and I grab the idea of Jesus to make myself somehow sane? I don’t wanna question God but idk what to do. I don’t even know if my text makes sense. I feel like I‘m bad at expressing myself. I don’t even think anyone will ever read this. So why am I doing this? I wish God exists because I want someone to understand me without me having to explain myself, because I think I do it poorly. Maybe that‘s my lack of discipline, intelligence? Whatever it may be, it annoys the heck out of me. I feel lazy. I‘ll never be good enough for myself. I tried. I will continue to try, but it gets frustrating and I don’t know for how long I can do it anymore. Don’t get me wrong, when I‘m happy, I‘m unbelievably happy and everything is great but when I‘m alone, or I just sinned, I feel so so so dreadful. Anyways God bless, if someone actually reads this! 😇