At what point is understanding why they are how they are, no longer reason to stay. My empathetic tank is running on low
Just like the title says, and I'm sorry if it makes no sense..please don't attack me, I am genuinely looking for experience or advice...sometimes my HSP and ADHD brain make things seem jumbled or "bouncy."
I understand my partner has trauma. I do as well. I understand my partner has baggage and issues. We all do. But at what point is allowing them to then emotionally abuse, invalidate and put the blame of every fight and every issue on me because of those issues, just me wasting my time and depleting my own energy and soul? I am no saint, but I always acknowledge my shortcomings in this relationship and work HARD on being better. We have been together for nearly 4.5 years. I am currently working with my therapist and doing EMDR. I am well on my way to healing, and can definitely say I have healed a huge amount in recent months. My therapist says this healing will lead to the end of this relationship and to be prepared for that, because I'm asking things like this or handling arguments much differently. I will now leave, which causes my partner to clearly panic but they don't verbally express that; instead they verbally manipulate and attack. I often leave the arguments feeling absolutely drained and defeated while I sit and question the entire situation and what I could have possibly done wrong by just trying to help, be patient etc..
Has anyone ever been with someone emotionally abusive (whether they were aware they were or not), and at any point DID it ever get better? Am I being out right stupid for staying? My partner has made improvements. My partner HAS done some work. We have both made huge leaps and bounds, but I am beginning to feel like they are actually getting worse with the above mentioned now that I am less reactive, able to self soothe and be present in my body with MY emotions not theirs first THEN mine. All things they told me they wanted from me.
They also stated they don't feel their therapist is working for them anymore. This is a huge red flag warning for me, and it does make me worry.
It's almost like my healing is making things crumble and it is making me feel once again at fault. I want us to heal together and I can see that their spiral may be because it's bringing up their own triggers. I go out of my way to try to navigate this with h sensitivity.
Has anyone else ever had relationships like this? Did it survive your own healing? Am I just pouring my all into something that won't ever quite get there??