I'm 14m and just can't stand everything. I am new to posting on reddit, and also this post will be covering a lot of shit, not just one thing. I do hope someone will take the time to read it though, and maybe respond. Anyways, I'll actually start venting now.
This probably sounds stereotypical, but i feel like nobody really understands me, and I don't think anyone gives enough of a fuck to wanna know. When im at school i rarely talk to anyone, and fuck up every social interaction. When we do partner work, I either do it alone or am forced to do it with the teacher, which is always way worse than being alone and is basically psychological torture. I do have friends... "friends" they don't truly know me, due to a mix of me knowing that they wouldnt wanna talk to me if they did, and me being to shy to know how to properly express myself.
Not to mention I get made fun of and messed with a lot. I love metal and wear baggy clothes and metal shirts and thrifted baggy jeans that kind of shit (people will call me a poser for wearing baggy clothes which doesn't make any sense, but that's a whole other rant) but those clothes and music that i love leads to me getting mocked and called slurs and stuff, i know i shouldn't let dumb shit like that bother me but it does. Not to mention the more social kids at my school will like record me and take pictures and talk to me like I'm an idiot and stuff. I can't tell any teachers or staff because they are all idiots and assholes, plus I'm not a snitch.
I've tried to learn my gutair and write songs, as well as draw, but im to much of a fucking failure to even put in the effort to do that. I can never figure out any of it or do it good, and im always so tired and done with shit in my free time that I can't even get myself to practice. I even trace over drawings I think are cool on pintrest and keep them, i guess so i can subconsciously pretend i have any bit of talent or way to express myself.
Not to mention I struggle with major anxiety issues. Whenever I'm alone I'm anxious and will start shaking, I cant even shower in peace due to this.
Thats about all i can write right now. Like I said before I just hope someone out there will take the time to read this or respond in any way, if that person is you reading this then thank you.