I wanted my first post to be my succes story. But i am tired. So tired
I've included a few images i firstly want to explain. The first two are from October 2025, when a few pimples started to break out. The first image of my right cheek, forehead and left cheek are from just a month later. It exploded fast, and i got on accutane a few weeks later in december having heard so much good about it from friends, and my friends friends. The second image of my left cheek and forehead is from the time i started accutane. The rest of the images (mostly right cheek) are from since then, with an even amount of time between. I also want to apologize for including a popped nodular cyst in the last images of my cheeks. It was unnecessary to capture, but i did.
I believe in accutane, and i have no intention of stopping my treatment. I started 20mg for two weeks, then 40mg for 2 months, then 60mg for two months, and i am now on 80mg for my second month (at 70kg bw). But i have not strictly stuck to this, when the breakout at the third image of my right cheek happened, i had just started 60mg, but i took 100mg every day for a week, and from then on around 80mg every day, even though my doctor had prescribed 60mg. I still sometimes take 100mg, and have even had a few days were i felt i didnt get enough fat with the meal i took the isotretinoin with, so i compensated by taking 120mg.
I have also taken antibiotics, and used mometasone furoate creme. These helped a little with inflammation, but also made my skin fragile. I still use the creme sometimes to combat inflammation, even though my doctor says i shouldnt be using it right now, becuase i just used it every day for a month, as part of my treatment, which "thinned out" my skin.
Other products i use include rinse milk, la roche effaclar h moisturiser, la roche effaclar dou+M triple correction (burns badly when i use) and panthenol creme for dry spots on my body. All these work very well for keeping my skin moist. So do Vaseline for my lips, but i have to apply every hour to avoid cracking. I also apply sunscreen every day, which my doctor recommended to avoid sunburn and scaring.
Since last summer i started working out with the goal of dropping a lot of my fat and building some muscle, which i have been very succesful with. I am now 70kg almost lean muscle. I abused whey protein to accomplish this. I consumed at least 50g whey every day approximately. Whey and intense muscle training stimulate androgen hormone production, along with other lifestyle changes i made. My sebacius glands at the same time turned hyper sensitive to these hormones which i think caused all this. I have a month ago cut out whey of my diet, which seems to be helping a little with the amount of outbreaks i have.
I dont know if i should stop working out, as i have been overweight almost my entire life and i am finally able to enjoy a body i am proud of. So i am scared to stop. And i am scared to eat fat during the day, becuase i try to eat all my fat for every day in one meal, with my accutane, in order to keep my new lifestyle of fatloss, while still getting around 50g fat with my accutane. And simultaneously have enough caloric deficit to get my carbs in, in order to have energy for the day.
My muscles and joints started accing a little just before my last doctor (dermatologist) appointment. I had also turned extremely temperature sensitive, sitting with jacket in class while some classmates where in t-shirts. I had developed spasms in one of my eyes, i felt no energy in my body, as a result of the cold i think. The cold temperature i constantly felt also caused me to have a runny nose for 2 months. Now it just bleeds, which i moisturise against.
At my last appointment i told my doctor i had dry skin on hands and neck, as all the side-effects i had. I needed to get more accutane. I still do, i think.
I am telling him about all of this next time i see him in a month. I think. I am convinced accutane is the only solution to all of this, and i can endure all these side effects.
Accutane have after all cleared my chin, shoulders and begun to clear my forehead nicely, along with cutting out whey and all the other things i have done. But my cheeks seem unresponsive to the isotretinoin, so i dont know if i should just endure a larger dose or wait it out at my current dose. Fuck.
I dream i large apple sized holes in my face, filled with blood and other liquids.
I dont mind being in public, i dont mind being in school. I hate seeing people haven't seen in long time. Old friends and distant family look so fucking concerned. My young cousin once remarked i had grown a red beard. I could do nothing say "yes i have" and give him and his mom an attempt at a comforting smile.
My pimples sometimes pop during my train becuase of high blood pressure, limiting my perfomance.
I ride mtb, it's the passion of my life. I am currently not able to wear the helmet my parents got me for my last birthday.
I hate feeling the inflammation of my face constantly. Recently one of my closer friends gave my nose a loving tap with his finger. It was an impulsive tap, with not much thought behind, probably just to get my attention or distract me or something. That was the only time in the last 6 months someone else than me have touched my face. It hit me just the moment after he did it, couldn't forget it.
I cant clean my face. When i rinse in the shower, no matter how gentle, i end up rubbing my rinsing milk into open wounds from pimple skin falling of.
I am able to send snap-streaks of my face to my distant friends, by having light behind me, which somehow minimizes the redness and details of my face.
My acne might make me unfit for millitary duty in my country, which i really want.
I have an inflammatory disease in my face.
It takes me an hour, to take a shower. My mom compares me to a 18 year old girl, showerwise.
My aunts and uncles dont dare ask me if i'm getting treatment and if i am going to be ok. They ask my mom. I understand them, i dont blame them.
I look sick.
My plan is to continue enduring. I believe in a good future.
I want to post my succes story.
Thanks. Any feedback is appreciated
❤️