Want to move in together but my [28F] boyfriend [28M] can’t afford it because of law school. We have been together for over 6 years already now , and currently living at our parent’s house. We live in Los Angeles and he is finishing up his first year of law school . What are our options?
My boyfriend and I are both 28 and have been talking seriously about moving in together. We love each other, and in a lot of ways it feels like the natural next step.
I work remotely and currently living in Los Angeles. We have a dog together. The place we would get would likely cost 2000-2400. We currently live an hour apart from each other.
The issue is money.
He’s in law school, so he’s stretched thin financially and focused on getting through school. I understand that, and I’m proud of him, but it also makes me feel stuck because “waiting until later” feels vague and open-ended. Meanwhile, I’m at a point where I want to start building a real life with someone, not just keep dating in limbo. He’s going to a private university and paying full tuition.
I’m torn between being supportive of where he is in life and being honest that I also have needs and a timeline for what I want. I don’t want to pressure him, but I also don’t want to keep shrinking what I want because the timing isn’t good for him. Initially, we planned on moving in at the beginning of summer last year, then it got postponed to winter of last year, then it got postponed from beginning of summer this yr to July this year, so he has done this at least three times already.
Has anyone been in a relationship where one person was in a demanding professional program (law school / med school / etc.) and financially limited? Did you move in anyway and figure it out, wait until they were more stable, or realize you were on different timelines?
I love him, but I’m struggling with whether patience is the right move or if I’m ignoring a real incompatibility. He is going to work at law firm M-F 9-5 making $30 an hour. He also casually teaches swimming for rich clients at like $140 an hour. Summer is coming up, so he will have plenty of requests. His issue is that the money he makes now will be for spending when he’s not working during the school year.
I have also considered paying 80% of the rent, but I feel like that would really bite me in the butt if we don’t end up together in the future. Also, I could be spending the money on savings instead, or to travel instead of to pay my boyfriend’s rent.
Would appreciate honest advice.