Can someone mark this narrative story i wrote for English first language as a practise for tommorows exam??

Maybe give me a mark out of 40 if possible and a likely grade.

I know its quite long but ignore that.

Write a story which includes the sentence:

“That was the moment everything changed.”

Story:

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything.”

My hands refused to stop shaking, as I stared intently at him. I never thought it would come to this. I tried so hard to prevent it, but I never seemed to be good enough. My eyes shifted back and forth, as I tried to regulate my emotions. My father smiled faintly at me, as he knew this was the last time he would see me. 

I twisted the small, black beads on my bracelet in a circular motion, reciting the exact phrase my mom used to say to me to calm my heavy breathing, “You are braver than you think.” I wish I could say the same.

The bright sun peaked through the window as my bracelet clattered. Another dream slowly faded out of my memory as I forced my slouched body out of bed. My father was preparing himself to go to work, meanwhile my mother was visibly uncomfortable with the thought. He was called in without warning, while an undiscovered, immortal species roamed the town. 

To ease her worries, I decided to voluntarily take her out for a relaxing dinner, although part of me felt something off.

Throughout the day, I couldn’t stop thinking about the unwavering sickness I felt in my stomach. I wasn’t sure why I felt this way, but all I knew is that something seemed unusual. 

Rain crashed down uncontrollably as I hurriedly rushed to the car while laughing with my mother. Summer storms were rare here, yet the sky had darkened without warning. Once at home, an unbearable smell filled the hallways. A scent that was spreading and too familiar to pass. 

I clutched my bracelet sharply. This couldn’t be what I thought it was. It just couldn’t.

Thunder struck, following a visible beat that continuously played. I once again muttered to myself “you are braver than you think,” because this time I really needed it. I slowly forced myself to find the source of that aroma, because I had to prove to myself that I was wrong. That everything would be okay.

step by step, I inched closer to the living room. The clock's hands moved with a loud tick. Every step felt like a threat not to come closer. Only a few steps remained till I knew the source. My body refused to continue, but my mind had other plans. Uncontrollably, I began to meddle with my bracelet, because even my moms words could not calm me down now.

I turned the corner and immediately froze. Adrenaline rushed to my head as I dropped to my knees. I silently sobbed with my hand on his lifeless body, unable to accept what had happened. That was the moment everything changed.

I knew something was wrong and I did nothing to stop it. 

My mother rushed at the sound of my cries and let out an excruciating scream. It was all my fault, and now I have not only lost my dad, but my mother lost her husband.

She already had a husband who had passed away exactly as he had, and I prayed everyday that I would never have to experience something like this again…

”I'm sorry I couldn’t do anything”, those words left my mouth in a mutter as I finally believed my moms words. She was right, I was braver than I realised, but that was only because I was put through an unbearable event that happened to repeat itself exactly.

Later on, I accepted it. The beads on my bracelet are still shoving each other every time I think about it, but I did not even react.

The sun once again rose, as the clouds cleared. 

But maybe if i did everything in another way, it would all be different.