If she knew…
Sometimes I wonder if she knew how much a simple text, a “How was your weekend?”; if she knew how much happiness that would bring me would she do it?
Would she be flattered or would she be turned off that someone whom she barely sees feels so strongly about her? Would it make her uneasy or uncomfortable? Would she avoid me? Would she take pity? Or would she just be indifferent?
Indifferent because I’m irrelevant.
Would knowing the depths, would knowing how much, would knowing all of the things I see in her mean anything?
If she knew, would she be able to see herself as I see her? Her dedication, her intelligence, her loyalty, her successes? Would it make her feel good? Wanted? Seen? Special? Worthy? If she knew how much she could do with so little effort would she?
Would she not want to feed into it? Would she think it strange or would she see me? Would she see me adoring her the way she should be adored? Would she see me?
Would she see me for who I am or would I still be not her type? Not attractive enough? Thin enough? Young enough? Old enough? Tall enough? Just “enough”.
If she knew would it mean anything or would she be indifferent?
Indifferent because I’m irrelevant.