To start - I'm not proud of any of this (maybe my raving years) but just wanting to hear from any others who have lived a similar life.
I'm a massive raging drug head and alcoholic. I'm in my early 40s, kids, mrs and I guess from 15 years old I've been addicted to:
Weed - 10 years stopped at 25 (grew out of it - loved it with no responsibilities though).
Alcohol - Consistently / Most Days (Downing bottles of red wine on lunch break working in a pub etc)
Cocaine - In the bath / secretly at work over the years in silly situations.
Speed - (oldskool base / paste - I snorted this daily for 2 years working as a factory worker. In my 20s. My raving years but I also lost all my friends and ended up snorting it in the mornings, lunch, dinner lost a lot of weight and Mum thought I was on smack. I went abit insane off this starting writing all night long and just being abit of a freak, could see 'shadow people' felt stood behind me. Guess lack of sleep but got paranoid and that's when I lost a lot of mates.
E's - A lot of weekends in my teens, 20s - When they were still cracking. (Topic for another sub / thread)
Opioids - Morphine., Oramorph, DHC, Codeine etc - 25 year old to my 40s. Anything to not be sober. Agonisingly sober.
Anyway.
Been on Elvanse for a couple weeks on 50mg now and my fiending for a kick of something has chilled off. I've not drunk any booze in the afternoon when work gets stressful, but also not even bothered at home.
I've been able to sit on the sofa in the evening without needing to go sneak some vodka shots or order cocaine etc.
I've had a traumatic life - I guess? Think a lot have.
But anyway, If the side effect of this medication is I can relax being sober without it being so excruciating being me and my impulse to just want to get high on opioids or booze etc then I'm excited to get my life back with my family.
I also think my 2 years snorting base was probably me medicating my adhd as it used to make me quite introverted than chatty. Same as coke really makes me abit insular and anxious especially on booze.
Hope this is a chance for me to get healthy and join a gym and be able to just be me in an evening or random impulse in the day to get pissed midweek coz of work stress etc.
Is this a side effect any other addicts have found? Did it last?