sometimes I think manifestation just isn't right for me and it sucks
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I have too many doubts. if I Listen to a subliminal or something my immediate thought is "why isn't this working/when Is this going to work/I'm so excited for it to work" I just can't get into the mindset of already having it. and I don't like the idea of thinking of it as a package, and it's on its way and now you just have to wait for it, because people usually follow it up with "you don't spend your time checking where the package is every 2 seconds do you" but like. yes I do. not every two seconds but I do check and make sure I have a specific date. If I want something soon I'm going to make sure of it. at least a package has an expected date, like in a couple days or a couple weeks, but manifestations don't, so I'm in waiting mode for forever. like yeah it's already happened, whatever that means, but I need it to actually appear in the 3D. "Oh just don't be reactive in the 3D" but how??? why???? When you see all of these subliminal and manifestations saying "blah blah blah what I did to get my results fast" ofc I want to follow and I'm expecting good things fast. I also hate having to monitor every single thought that I have, because everything is an affirmation apparently and even me expressing this is an affirmation and I'm not going to get my manifestations, it's actually exhausting. I feel like I can't be mad or sad about not getting results, or that is an affirmation or an assumption too. also, I can't live in the end. I don't get the idea of living in the end because I just don't have it. If I am manifesting $500, and I currently do not have $500, how am I supposed to feel that abundance if I just don't have it?? I cannot spend as if I already have because I don't. not to mention I keep getting signs of everything but nothing actually happening. I see so many fucking angel numbers everyday, 9,8,7,3, EVERYWHERE - time, battery, random playing cards, phone numbers, I am practically going into psychosis over it - but what the fuck is the point of a sign if nothing ever actually comes out of it? When is something actually going to happen? not to mention the robotic affirmations just feels like wishful thinking and fantasizing and gaslighting. also if I'm supposed to already live in the end, why would somebody need to repeat to themselves 50 million times a day that they have so much money, if they already know it?
no idea what kind of point I'm trying to make but hopefully this makes sense to somebody. I don't really care about others success stories unless it'll help me get mine faster, so that doesn't really work as proof for me. I've manifested shit for myself before so I do believe in at least a little bit of it but I am kind of doubting this entire thing