I was thinking that it would be nice for some of us to share a little about our experiences with coming out; or even for some of our community members that are not fully out what are some of the hurdles that keep you from coming out?
I will start.
Ever since I was little I felt like I wanted nothing more than to be a “girl”. I would find myself wanting to hang out with the other girls more than the boys. I wanted to do all the girly things like wear makeup and dresses. I wanted to be a cheerleader. I wanted to have the experience’s that all girls get to have. The problem was that I wasn’t born in a girls body.
When I was really young I thought that I could pray that this was just one bad dream and that I would wake up as the girl I saw myself as. We all know that did not happen and as I got older I realized that I would have to do something about it. I would go to my mother and be too scared to be straight with her so the conversation always started with me saying something like “Mom, one of my friends at school said that he wants to be a girl.”. She would immediately know that I was talking about myself and say “You are a male in the united state of America, why would you ever want to be a woman.” Like it was somehow just so awful for women in the United States. I now know that I didn’t “want” to be a woman, I am one!
She would tell me that if I ever came out that everyone would hate me including family. This caused a big wall the be constructed in my head, I had to hide this at all cost. Little did I know what that cost would be. It cost me my happiness, emotions, self esteem, ambition. It killed my social life and turned me into a shell of who I once was. I spent most of my life miserable because all I ever wanted was to be the woman I saw myself as.
I hit rock bottom and went on a complete self destructive path. I did not see myself living much longer. That’s when I realized that I needed help from a professional. I started therapy and it honestly saved my life. My therapist was able to help me over a lot of my hurdles where I got the courage to tell my doctor what I was feeling. She helped me get in contact with all the correct places I needed to visit to start my journey.
I started HRT a little over a year and a half ago and I have never felt more confident, happy, and alive. Part of my success is thanks to my wonderful partner. They are the most supportive, amazing, and kind person I’ve ever had the privilege to meet. But it’s also thanks to myself for if I didn’t somehow find the courage I’d still be rotting away. I’m so excited for where the future will take me and my love of my life.
P.S. most people are quite accepting of us and it’s the media that I spreading a lot of the hate that we are catching. My family had been very supportive of me and the only person who hates me right now is my mother and she’s a bigot.
I hope that this helps some of you out who are still struggling and if you would like someone to talk to you can DM me. Please say more than “hello” because I get a lot of unwanted messages.
Anyway! I hope that you all have a wonderful week and remember you matter!!! 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈