5 year anniversary. Every one without My Beast.
April 29th was our 5th wedding anniversary. First big one of a marriage. We had planned to never marry, because we had each been married twice before. Cancer changed all that. We did it because of our amazing love, and he wanted to protect me with the estate stuff. And I wanted to honor him by carrying his name forever. I fully knew when we did it, we wouldn't see the 1st one together.
I try so hard to love myself as he would love me if he was still here, and walk through this world as if he still physically walks with me...because the kind of love we forged changed us both for the better. I found my true soul mate in him. But the lies are cruel. Time has not healed. I have tried time and again to get my life back, career, health, etc...and I haven't made any progress. I throw myself into career, health tanks. I take steps to get the gigantic mess with the house straightened, it's like it never happened by the next month. Yeahhhh, his intentions to protect me as far as the house...landed like a fucking led balloon thanks to crooked 'private investors'. They churned the mortgage thru several companies instead of paying it off, removing the all important life insurance that was on the original. But I digress...
But I truly wanted to do something special for this anniversary...but money isn't plentiful, and I'd no doubt be doing it alone (since no one is gungho to be around someone in such a deeply emotional state, and no blame/shame for that certainly)...so I will do my own lil memorial like I have the anniversaries past, cry alot, and continue to be so very grateful I got to experience a love like this in my lifetime. I hope every single one of y'all do as well. ❤️🩹