Ang hirap pala kapag walang back up sa Buhay.
For context, I (22M) am a civil engineering graduating student. Just like everyone else, masyadong mataas ang pangarap ko kaya I still pushed for Civil Engineering kahit fino-force na ako ng mama ko before na kumuha ng computer-related na program. FF after 1st year, 1st sem, dun ko narealize ang reality ng mga Civil Engineers, that they are paid peanuts as licensed workers here in the Philippines. I wanted to shift, but wala kaming pera to afford that (scholar ako sa private university and bawal magshift sa scholarship ko).
Kahit nawalan ako ng gana sa Civil Engineering, I still find myself excelling on the program. Consistent Dean’s Lister, Best CE Thesis sa whole batch, and no failed subjects. Pinagpatuloy ko ang program kasi wala akong option, and for awhile nawala yung ‘regret’ ko. But during OJT, doon na bumalik ang regret ko. Yung PIC namin sa site, 20 years na as site engineer, pero yung wage niya hindi pa rin makatarungan sa experience niya. Nakita ko ang future ko sa kaniya and na-realize ko na what if ganito ang future ko?
During the OJT period, I was mostly depressed. It came to a point that my family had to bring me out of my room kasi umiiyak lang ako lagi. It sucks kasi as an idealist, ang hirap kapag nasampal ka ng reality. Don’t get me wrong, okay lang naman sa akin na baratin as a fresh grad, I can deal with that. Pero kahit experienced engineers are being paid to dust. Compared to other fields na yung sahod nila ay congruent sa YOE nila. Hindi ko talaga mapigilang magcompare kasi naghirap ako sa program na ito, pero parang lahat ng paghihirap ay hindi tugma sa aanihin ko.
I still don’t know what’s in store for me in the future, but I hope it will be bright. Ang hirap kasi hindi magrush sa life lalo na kapag hindi mo afford ang magpahinga. To my Ates and Kuyas out there, paano umalis sa ganitong phase ng life? Gusto ko siya mawala sa sistema ko and focus on something that matters: move forward. I don’t want to punish myself anymore for my past decisions kasi if I stay stuck in here, mas lalong lalayo ako sa pangarap na buhay ko.
Now magp-prepare na ako sa board exam, and sana I would be in a better state of mind before magstart ang review proper. I just want to live.