I have been dating my girlfriend now for almost a year and a half, I've known her for two. She has bipolar disorder, psychopathy, anxiety and depression. I have bipolar disorder, sociopathy, ocd, and autism. All are recognized and/or diagnosed by professionals.
The issue with that is that I have a hard time telling what I'm feeling. I learned to hide it and to mimick other people's emotions and behaviors in a way to appear more normal and likeable and it's worked for the most part. I get a long with a lot of people and I tend to be pretty social even if I hate it. I don't know how to identify what emotions are mine or a mirror off of someone elses. Super fucking fun to deal with sometimes.
My girlfriend has some pretty bad depressive episodes, and I do too but hers last longer and she at least voices them more than me so they appear to be worse. Sometimes our episodes overlap and she asks me close to every time I tell her I'm suicidal if I'm just mirroring her.
My problem is I don't know.
I've struggled with suicidal tendencies and thoughts for most of my life so it's not out of the blue to be suicidal for me even if I don't act on it. But is it just a coincidence that it's overlapping her or am I genuinely mirroring her? How can I tell the difference when it feels genuine to me either way?