So a little less than 2 months ago, I got a call from my brother. He said I think you have a problem. His wife (my sister in law) has some friends in common with my wife. Apparently my wife had confided in a college friend that she was having an affair. It got back to my sister in law and hence my brother. I confronted her immediately and after the typical non-denial responses - “why are you asking me that?”, she admitted it. She had been cheating on me for 2 1/2 years. After getting over the initial shock, I wanted to get a divorce as quickly as possible. We filed the paperwork within 2 weeks, saw a mediator and it should be final in a month.
Our marriage has been pretty good - not many fights and when we do fight it’s the normal stuff about money and spending and such. I certainly noticed that she was less warm towards me over the last 6 months or so but thought it was work stress or something else - we’re in a very busy phase of life. I don’t think my wife wanted a divorce - I think she wanted to continue to live both of these lives concurrently for as long as possible.
We have 2 sons together - 13 & 15. The more I learned about my wife’s behavior over the last couple of years, the more I realize she is not the person I thought she was. Obviously I never thought she was capable of the lies and the deceit, but some of the details make me think she has become just a horrible person. Her affair partner is also married. As far as I know, his wife does not know about the affair but he has told my wife that he plans to leave her so the two of them can be together.
If it weren’t for the boys, I would completely cut this person out of my life. Unfortunately not an option. I insisted on language in the divorce decree that prevents her from introducing her affair partner to the boys for a period of 6 months after the divorce is final. She has suggested that they will soon get engaged and even married.
My concern is the boys being around 2 people with such low moral character. They’re at a very impressionable age and just starting to think about girls and relationships. The idea of these two guiding them in that regard is revolting to me. We have not told the boys of my wife’s infidelity - I don’t want them to grow up with that kind of view of their mother, but I also want to protect them.
Anyone have advice from being down this road before?