u/Heavy-Rutabaga-4364

I am 33F. I was wondering other women going through the same thing. Women who are still married or got divorced because of this.

How long before you confidentes getting divorced?
Did you have kids ?
What was the tipping point?
What did you try to fix things?
What is life like after (if you left / if you stayed)?
How do you decide to stay/leave?
What where the underlying issue? Did you ever get an answer ?
What did you learn from that experience ?
Was there something you could of done differently?

Thank you.

This is a long one. Thank you to those willing to read the whole thing. 

M35 & F33 - We were together to 2 years before we got married. We had sex often, but there was room for improvement. He is my first. I really enjoyed the feeling of being wanted and desired and having someone I love and respect be curious about every inch of my body. I was super hot back then. Very fit, lean and energetic. I got pregnant 4 months after the wedding. That’s when it stopped. So this year we will celebrate 3 years of marriage, and if there is still nothing, we will reach 3 years of dead bedroom. 

I gained a lot of weight during pregnancy. It was a hard time for me. I felt emotionally abandoned by my husband when he rejected every attempt I made to initiate. Every time was a huge hit to my self-esteem. Hormonal and bloated, I have never felt so unattractive. Even before I  started to show, he stopped wanting me. 

I had a high-risk pregnancy, and I was anxious most of the time. I felt so alone and sad, and food was the only comfort I had since exercise and sex were off the table. 

I lost a lot of weight after giving birth, but I still have a good amount to lose. I still tried to initiate to avail. It is so humiliating. As a woman, you hear stories of men who can't wait until their wives can have sex again after having a baby. Not me. He was so repulsed by me.

I tried talking about it. How it made me feel, and trying to understand what is going on with him, to see what we can do to work on this. I got nowhere. I kept trying and trying until my ego got so bruised I gave up, and I feel so unattractive.

I am starting to realize that this is just life now. I am an unattractive woman, and I will never have sex again. I feel stupid for even still feeling sexual in any way. I am humiliated even between me, myself and I. 
 
We have a good marriage if I ignore the bedroom. He is my friend, a great dad, and an amazing partner in life, but he doesn’t care about sex. And I feel silly making such a big deal out of this, but I can’t shake it off. 

The resentment is gone now. I do love him, so I accept him as he is. I know he loves me, too. We are both very loyal and prioritize our family and home over our needs. But he has no desire for me, even when he is horny.

Physically, there is nothing wrong with him. Everything works fine. So it feels like I am the problem. Maybe I am too cold or not seductive enough.

Everyone keeps asking me when the second baby is going to happen, and it keeps breaking my heart. Because I don’t see us having another one. And I want at least 2 kids.

We flirt and hug, and he grabs my ass a lot. But that’s it. When I try to push it further, it’s taken as a joke. I am being friend-zoned by my husband.

Is this the end of our marriage? I don’t want to leave him. I want to understand why he doesn't want to have sex with me. I am pretty but still slightly overweight. I am easy to live with. Always happy and positive and cracking jokes. Sex feels good. It’s not rocket science. But I am done trying to bring it up and being the advocate for sex. It feels like it should be obvious why I want us to have this.