I’ve made a big mess of everything. The letter that was read wasn’t meant to be. I was coping. Trying to understand why I can’t get you out of my head.
It’s so easy to be crappy. Burn it to the ground before you do. Make it official forever. Until you re read the letter over and over. Everything rings false. You deleted the letter and wrote another later. Only to discover why you felt the way you did.
I choose you not out of boredom or loneliness. I’m choosing you because of all the things I like no love about you. So here’s a list for you. I’m proving myself to you.
- I love the way you write. It pulls me in with so many emotions
- I like how you push back you say what you mean (except I suppose how you felt not that I said it out loud either)
- I want to watch you read or play video games and play your guitar while I sleep beside you.
- I miss you being panicky and over thinking things. I was just wanted to tell you it’s always be okay.
- I love how you have so many feelings swirling around. They bubble all around you.
- I love that your hands used to get sweaty around me. Haha
- I love the books you read and the music you listen. I could listen to you for hours explain new literature to me or even an old band that made you feel something you didn’t think you would.
- I love that you cook. I imagine you cooking all kinds of fun things.
I love you. I can’t tell you enough. I’m sad I’ve missed my chance. I feel so ready to actually do this. With you. Not because it’s was feels right or I’m missing attention. This is none of that. I wouldn’t be putting everything out. Open, my bleeding heart to strangers.
I can’t change what has happened, but what I can do is promise if you give me a third chance I guess we will say that, I’ll always work my hardest to support you and be in your corner.
Yeah I’m a jerk. I can’t help it. I’m trying to not be. It’s hard breaking walls down you’ve kept up for so long.
I want you to want me too. But not because I need you too. I want you to want me because you do. And if you think it’s over I’m very sad. I wanted one last chance. I said all the wrong things.
Please I’m trying.
Edit: I just thought once I worked my issues out in my head and saw what I needed to see we could do this. You’re in my head. I couldn’t understand it. I have trouble processing lots of things. It’s probably the mental stuff. Either way I’m bowing out. I wanted to do this right with you only if you wanted too. I see I’m probably not good for you. I realized everything way too late. All I want for you is to be in your corner. And if it’s not me, then I wish you the very best.
Sending good vibes to everyone rooting for me. But I’m a pretty awful person. So I deserve what I get. I’ll be happy. I was before. This is just not the ending I was hoping for. If anything changes I’ll update this post. But I doubt it will. Once a crappy person always a crappy person. I’ll keep on trying to express myself better. Communication is hard especially if someone sees your process of learning when you didn’t know they were.
Update: I think this is done. I don’t think he wants this. Thank you everyone 💚