I’m (24M) in a bit of a confusing situation with a coworker (28F) and I’m not sure how to handle it. It's been fucking with me emotionally, and sent me on a bit of a journey with some old feelings of mine.
Ok, so, over the past few months, we’ve built what feels like a strong connection (at least from my perspective). We joke a lot, have inside jokes, and there have been moments that felt more personal than just normal coworker interaction (long eye contact, playful/shy goodbyes, her showing concern about me, etc.). For context, neither of us is in a position of authority over the other.
But the issue to me here is the inconsistency.
Sometimes she’s warm, initiates conversations, shares things from her life (even small things like photos from where she is), and seems genuinely engaged. Other times, she pulls back a lot, almost like she’s retreating behind walls, barely interacts, and it feels like I’m the only one trying.
That back-and-forth has been messing with me a lot. It makes it hard to tell whether there’s actually something there, or if I’m just reading too much into the “good” moments. Makes me feel like I'm too much or she doesn't care. Cue emotional rollercoaster.
I’ve tried suggesting something low-pressure like grabbing coffee, but it didn’t really go anywhere, she didn’t say no directly, but didn’t engage with the idea either (this was after a previous attempt where she said ok, but raincheck).
Because of all this, I ended up writing her a letter (haven’t given it yet) where I basically:
- tell her I like her
- explain that I feel like we’ve built something meaningful
- but also say I’m confused by the mixed signals and want clarity
Now I’m getting cold feet.
At the same time, this inconsistency is starting to exhaust me. It’s not just about whether she likes me or not, I just want to know where I stand with her. To finally get answers and get off this emotional rollercoaster.
I want to be respectful and not make her uncomfortable, which is part of why I’m hesitating.
TLDR: I want to tell my co-worker how I feel, but I’m getting cold feet about the way I want to do it.