This is really getting ridiculous.
Even on the few good low- to non-symptom days PMDD influences my life.
I wake up, notice I don't have much pain, anxiety or bad thoughts, and am happy for about two seconds.
But wait- the rest of the day I feel like shit because I'm telling myself that I'm now in my few precious good days, that I need to make the most out of it and I already begin to fear the bad days coming up in a week.
I need to work ahead, I need to savour and remember that feeling of feeling okay, so I can hang onto it when in my bad phase and don't give up.
Oh, I have fun hanging out with friends? Well, next week I'll turn them down due to anxiety and depression and feel like the worst friend to ever exist.
It's a nice sunny day outside? In a few days getting out of bed will be the hardest task.
Will there ever be a time for me when this disability doesn't influence ever single day of my life?
Will I ever be able to live a normal life?
Today was supposed to be a good day but here I am, feeling hopeless anyway, because I know this cycle will repeat over and over again. I feel like a fool for desperately wanting just a few more good days when I already know that I can't change much about it.