Sometimes you say the dumbest shit without even realising it.
I don’t know what it’s like to spend money on a house and kids and cars?
You do not know my full history. Even my parents don’t know the things I am about to say.
The past is the past, or whatever you said as an excuse to not tell me any details about yours.
But, I do actually know what it’s like to have that kind of money and spend it on those things.
Ricky was an all-round bad relationship. But we were together for years. Every cent I made between 2008 & 2012, was saved. We had a house deposit that mostly came from me. We ended up using it for the house we rented for the last 6 years of our relationship.I brought us a 10k car. That he paid back half for when we broke up, so I could move house and town.
After him, I had my godson for weeks at a time when his dad was out of town for work and his mum was on too many drugs to even remember he existed half the time.
With social workers and children’s services meetings and home inspections. Funnily enough, he also hated vegetables and between him and my brother, that is how I learnt to hide veggies in so many of the things I feed you.
I have had a messy life. Full of fuck ups and loss and for a long time I just hated existing.
But everything I lost, every bad relationship and poor choice, eventually led me to you.
You made me realise that life is actually worth it.
But it sucks that you actually think I have no experience with financial decisions like that, because we’ve never talked about those parts of my life.
Just because I had nothing left when we met, doesn’t mean I didn’t work my ass off for years, and I am doing everything I can to be able have a house and kids with you, one day.
I know I say dumb shit more often than you can handle, but I am so in love with you. Truly, more every day. I have made it abundantly clear what I want for us and how much you mean to me.
But please don’t assume shit about me when you have absolutely no idea what I’ve done in my life and you are the reason we haven’t had these conversations.